Eggs, we think you are pretty special.
You’re versatile AF, Men’s Health says you’re pretty nutritious, and you didn’t even abandon us when we tweeted ‘eggs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be’ so we could bag a solid 43 likes.
Let’s be real, you really deserve better.
So, to start repaying some of your unbeaten loyalty, we’ve ranked some of the best and worst ways to enjoy your eggy goodness, saving the BEST till last. After reading this, we hope the phrase ‘bad egg’ will never be used again.
8. Hard-boiled eggs
They smell like your dad’s farts and they resemble eyeballs, but unfortunately hard-boiled eggs are a bit of a necessary evil. A bit like rich tea biscuits, broccoli or Paul Weller.
They’re not there to provide any happiness or joy. They’re simply there so people over 55 have something to bring to a buffet.
7. Baked Eggs
Avoid this insufferable hipster at all costs. This is the egg equivalent of smashed avocado on sourdough toast.
The type of egg usually found in Shoreditch, laughing at their own yolks and looking down on all the other eggs, telling them it preferred their ‘unfertilised stuff.’ Whatever the hell that means.
5. Soft-boiled eggs a.k.a The Dippy Egg
At last, we’re finally getting somewhere. Essentially, the soft-boiled egg is the hard-boiled egg’s cool younger cousin, who sold cigarettes at school, was loved by almost everyone and looked great on top of a slice of toast.
4. Poached Eggs
Poached eggs would probably top this list if it making them wasn’t like walking a tightrope of death between undercooked/snotty and overcooked/the consistency-of-rubber.
It’s far too easy to make a balls up of them, leaving it too long and ending up with a hard-boiled disaster. Not long enough? Liquid hell.
But when you get them right? Nothing makes us need a cold shower quicker than watching golden yolk splurge all over soft, white bread. Seriously, noth-ing.
An omelette is not about eggs. It’s about you. Who you are as a person, your hopes, your dreams.
An omelette can be anything you want to it to be. Big and fluffy or thin and crispy, with an endless possibility of fillings. You are the architect of your own life. Like your omelette, you can be anything you want to be.
Unless, of course, you forget to add cheese. Then you’re just a d*ck.
2. Fried eggs
Perfect runny yolk? We’re feelin’ it. Cooked in beautiful bacon grease? Stop it, you flirt. Served on top of a burger? Now. You’re. Talking.
Fried eggs would almost be our undefeated winner, if it wasn’t for all the…
1. Chocolate Eggs
Look, what exactly did you expect from us? We know they’re not really eggs, and you also know this isn’t the bloody Guardian. We both knew what we were getting into here.
But come on, is there seriously anything better than gooey fondant, pretend-egg-goodness surrounded by thick, velvety chocolate?
Well, actually… What if it was triple-distilled and served in a shot glass?
That’s right, our Chocolate Egg Handcrafted Flavour has made a triumphant return to all our bars, and we can’t wait for you to try it again. Seriously, even if we cracked, beat and whisked all of the world’s egg-based puns, we wouldn’t come close to describing just how decadently taste this is.
Now, like all the best shizz in life, our Chocolate Egg Handcrafted Flavour is super limited edish, so it’s probably best you come give it a taste at our Easter Weekend Blockbuster. Kickin’ off on Thursday 13th April, we’re laying on the most EPIC party this Easter Weekend.
Get yourself involved and book a table, ‘cause we’ve got fun FOR DAYS. And eggs. There will be eggs, of course.