Easter is great, and that’s because it comes with two days off and for some reason that we should never, EVER question, loads of chocolate too.

Let us guess – you’re going to use the extra time off really productively right?

Sure. Whatever. Because you’ve definitely always lived up to the lofty delusion that you’re actually capable of using free time effectively.

Here’s how your Bank Holiday is actually going to go down.

WAKING UP WITH REGRET

You said you’d take it easy on Sunday night, so you could wake up nice and fresh on Monday. You also said ‘screw it, I’ve got a day off tomorrow, let’s get the Jagerbombs in’.

Now you’ve woken up at 1pm feeling like a old rag of whiskey-soaked leather. Well done you. Great start.

THE TASTE OF REGRET

After a weekend of partying, you promised yourself you’d get a headstart on your new, chia seed-laden superfood health diet on Monday.

However, after a weekend of partying, you’d rather not try to swallow something that already looks like vomit, so the cucumber and kale smoothie is off the cards. Full english breakfast it is then.

THE ATTEMPT AT REDEMPTION

You’re feeling really bad about yourself after that greasy breakfast. So bad, that you openly say out loud like a crazy person, ‘right – I’m going to turn this day around. I’ll go on a jog and get back on track’.

You get up to go and find your running shoes. You search for a whole 3 minutes with no result. Oh what a shame – looks like you can’t go on a jog and it was totally out of your control. Well – it’s the thought that counts, right?

SECOND ATTEMPT AT REDEMPTION

Okay – so you tried jogging, and you totally couldn’t do anything about that.

However, you still want to make a go at a productive bank holiday. You pick up that copy of Crime & Punishment you promised yourself you’d read one day.

You settle into the bath for a long reading session. Three pages in, and you’ve nodded off and dropped the book in the water. An hour passes. Great work.

ACCEPTANCE

By this point, it’s basically evening and you begin to accept that you’ve failed completely.

Rather than wallow in regret, you decide to make the most of the failure by failing even more.

Cue Netflix. Cue a shameless House of Cards marathon.

FURTHER ACCEPTANCE

Not only have you failed to be productive, but by now you’ve also decided to leave your diet until the next day as well.

Of course, this means that tonight is your last chance to eat like a pig.

RUIN THE NEXT DAY TOO

So far, you’ve strayed hugely off-course, but you’ve still got one chance to make the bank holiday worthwhile.

All you’ve got to do is get an early night.

And you might have gotten away with it, if only Netflix didn’t automatically start playing the next episode…

You know that’s how it’s going to go down, so why not give up on the dream early and get planning ahead.

On Sunday night, we’re putting on an absolutely insane party of epic proportions to really mess up your bank holiday Monday. Go on – check it out here.

Because let’s be honest – no one ever did ANYTHING productive on a bank holiday.

Get your party started
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