World Cup 2014 is almost upon us. Soon, national pride manifested in the form of tacky plastic St George’s flags will once again be covering the hatchbacks and people carriers of our nation. The keyboards of our tabloid hacks will be busily tap-tap-tapping away as they come up with the latest piece of England-related slander  (possibly comparing our manager to a root vegetable), and the brows of the nation will be collectively furrowing as we wonder which player we’re all going to be blaming for our premature exit this time. You can practically taste the disappointm… er, anticipation in the air.

These days however, England fans are well prepared for the feelings of frustration and dejection which come hand in hand with our World Cup campaigns. A made-up survey which we have just carried out reveals that no one in England has seriously believed we have a chance of lifting the trophy since sometime in 2002 – except a man in Slough called Nigel, who for about 7 minutes genuinely believed we were going to beat Germany in 2010.

With big screens for every England game at selected bars, over thirty premium beers and our brand new food menu, featuring burgers, pizzas and burritos, Revolution is the (un)official Home of Football for the 2014 World Cup. Warm up before the big games and book one of  our World Cup packages here.  But if you can’t get excited about winning the damn thing, how else can you enjoy a World Cup? Well, here at Revolution we’ve got some seriously good suggestions to improve your footy viewing pleasure and end your World Cup woe:

 1. Choose A Second Team.

We really can’t recommend this highly enough. To prevent certain disappoint in the England team’s performance in Brazil, have a gander at the fixtures before the World Cup starts and choose another team to switch allegiance to when Rooney gets sent off and it all goes tits-up for our boys. If you’re a football fanatic, perhaps you’ll be able to pick your team based upon their actual chances of success – but if not, simply choose the team with more funny-looking players than anyone else.

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 2. Play World Cup Haircut Bingo.

If you’ve got work the next day, play World Cup Bingo instead! The exact theme of your World Cup Bingo is up to you, but we have found Haircut Bingo to be a real winner. Simply make a list of the most iconic (ridiculous) haircuts from football history and tick off each haircut when you spot it on a player’s bonce. Suggestions include the Valderrama, the Fat Ronaldo, the Floppy Mohawk/Neymar, the Hairband, the Jason Lee/Pineapple, the David Luiz/Sideshow Bob, and of course everybody’s favourite, the iconic and legendary Mullet (Business at the front, party at the back!).

3. Laugh At The Funny Footballer Names.

If you know nothing about football and you’re only watching because England are playing, then we highly recommend that you take action to prevent feelings of abject boredom. Happily, World Cups often mean a bevy of silly sounding names to bring a smile to your face. Previous years have provided such classics as Stefan Kuntz, Jose Ufarte and the great Danny Shittu. Our standout favourite this year is undoubtedly the cracking Francisco Chiqui Arce, of Paraguay.

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 4. Actually Become Interested In Football.

Not everyone who watches the World Cup is a football fan. When the World Cup is on people are usually dragged along by their other halves to sit through what is to them, 90 minutes of complete boredom.   If this sounds familiar, we may have found a solution – what if you could actually understand what is going on, and learn to enjoy it?! This seems to be the general idea behind this entirely serious and mildly sexist guide which is genuinely titled (with tongue nowhere near cheek) ‘How to Understand and Support your Boyfriend’s Passion for the 2014 World Cup’.  

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Our favourite tip in this guide is:   “Warnings (sic): Remember that no matter how exciting the World Cup, don’t ignore your commitments and girlfriends.”

So yes, whilst the World Cup is on please don’t forget to pay your rent, go to work, or talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend. If you can manage that as well as taking on-board any of our other World Cup tips, you’ll be sure to avoid certain disappointment and fully enjoy the 2014 Brazil World Cup in all its glory.

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