Who’s going to top the Christmas charts this year?

We know what you’re thinking. Who cares? It’s probably going to be one of Simon Cowell’s talent show winners or some charity choir you’ve never heard of (which is lovely, but you know, a bit *YAWWWN*).

But remember when everyone raged against the machine by ushering Rage Against the Machine to the top of the charts in 2009?

That was pretty cool.

We reckon the system needs shaking up again, and we’ve put together the perfect list of artists to do it.

David Bowie – Heroes

2016 was being an absolute maniac when it decided to take this legend away from us.

That’s why we need to strike back by getting him to the top of the charts for one last time, just for old time’s sake.

But which song do we pick from his insane back catalogue of hits? It’s got to be ‘Heroes’, simply because this guy was an absolute hero.

The Cheeky Girls – Cheeky Christmas

With all of this year’s treasured celebrity deaths and strange political happening, why not cap it all off by taking the worst Xmas song ever to the top of the charts?

Just because we’re all nihilists now and we want to watch the world burn.

Give it a listen. It’s truly awful in every single way.

Leonard Cohen – Hallelujah

This song is a perfect candidate for Xmas No.1.

It’s sentimental, romantic and everyone knows the chorus.

Plus, it would be nice to have Leonard with us for one last singalong in 2016, now that he’s not with us in the flesh anymore.

Skepta – Shutdown

Skepta has had such a solid year, it would be rude not to give him a crack at having a Xmas No. 1.

We love him. You love him. Drake loves him. So why the hell not ‘Shutdown’ X-factor winner Matt Terry’s chances of chart success by getting Skepta to the top?

It would be like the Rage Against the Machine fiasco, times ten.

Prince – Purple Rain

Prince left us this year.

But to be fair, we don’t think Prince ever truly belonged in this world anyway, considering he was almost definitely a hypersexual space freak genius from a different dimension.

Getting his most famous track to the top of the charts would be a fitting send off for this pint-sized musical maverick . Let’s do it.

Limp Bizkit – Rollin’

When you think of Limp Bizkit, you probably think ‘wow, that band were so 90s and lame’.

But then you ironically stick on one of their tracks, and you start thinking ‘wow, actually this band are probably the best band ever’.

And that’s thanks to tunes like ‘Rollin”, which literally no person ever in the history of people has been able to resist nodding along to like a total G.

They’re currently on tour again in the UK, so there’s never been a better time to see Bizkit back on the charts. Plus, it would just kinda be hilarious, right?

What do you think to our roundup?

Whether it’s to shake up the system or totally troll it, we just want another break from those glorified karaoke singers at the X-factor taking the top spot again.

Of course, if you’re looking for an Xmas bursting with all kinds of awesome tunes, you need to join us for a Christmas party.

Because our playlists are dictated by what’s cool. Not Simon Cowell.

 

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