The new Revolution food menu is here, and with it comes a selection of Food Heroes – different great value dishes which we alternate according to the day of the week. Are you struggling to decide what kind of Hero you are? Well, luckily for you, we’ve put together a helpful list to clear things up – here are the seven types of Food Hero.
Monday – 50% Off Food All Day – The Half Price Hero
Bargains beware – there is a new hunter in town, and this one won’t stop until they’ve tracked down the absolute best value they can find. They won’t ever drop money on a product until it’s offered to them at the lowest price possible. Accordingly, they’ll be hard pushed to go to Revolution on a day other than Monday, as they’d be very uneasy with the idea of paying double the price for a main dish on a different day. Sound familiar? You are the one, the only, Half Price Hero.
Tuesday – Glazed Roast Chicken – The Connoisseur
This hero is so damn refined, they eat glazed roast chicken on a Tuesday. It doesn’t bother you that half the nation is lazily tucking into a spam butty after a hard day’s labour – you refuse to compromise on your exquisite desire for well-made food. ‘It’s lunchtime on a Tuesday mate – why don’t you just warm up some chicken nuggets?’, you hear them bellow from below your pedestal. ‘Never,’ you reply – ‘the only chicken I eat is roasted to perfection and glazed delicately with Chipotle BBQ sauce’ So noble – so heroic.
Wednesday – Vodka Chicken Pizza – The Celebrator
It’s a Wednesday evening, and the streets are quiet. Buses drive alongside empty pavements, passing only the odd vagrant who hazily swings from side to side in a backstreet. But there is one brave soul who resists the quiet – in fact, they can’t stand it, and they spend their days rebelling against it. This person finishes work and seeks out the music. This person stays up late on a weekday fuelled by cocktails, friendship and a thirst for life. This person never stops the party, and this person insists that their food contains at least A BIT of vodka, even if it’s only a Wednesday! This night crawling maverick is the Celebrator – the Hero who ALWAYS finds a reason to celebrate, and does so non-stop. Revolution salutes you.
Thursday – Club Sandwich – Captain Straight And Easy
Many have witnessed the abilities of this Hero, but very few comprehend them. For Captain Simple has the incredible power of staring an overwhelming range of options in the eye and settling immediately on the most popular and inoffensive choice. ‘But Captain, aren’t you at all tempted by the Panang Chicken Curry? Or the Lobster Ravioli?’ The Captain replies, ‘Not at all. Not even for a second. I’m just going to go for the sandwich.’ We all gasp in awe of his conviction. Captain Straight and Easy by name, straight and easy by taste. And you know what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Friday – Fish and Chips – The Patriot
This Hero has grown tired of the overwhelming complexity of today’s globalised cuisine. They yearn for the days of simplicity, when salt and pepper were the only spices and lemongrass, cumin and fenugreek were merely ideas, confined to the limits of the imagination. Now, The Patriot fights for a time when their dinner plate never played host to more than five ingredients, six if they were pushing the boat out. They prefer simple, bold flavours – flavours that are epitomized no more perfectly than in the humble, traditional dish of Fish And Chips. Delightful.
Saturday – Cheeseburger – The Superman
What’s so special about this hero? Surely, a cheeseburger is not the choice of a magnificent thinker? It’s a warm sandwich basically – meat, cheese and veg slapped between bread. It’s nothing extraordinary, right? Perhaps. But wait – he takes a bite, and the patty bursts with flavour into his mouth, swirling into a majestic blend of glory with the smoked cheddar and vine ripened tomato. The Superman is a Hero that sees beyond shallow, superficial surfaces. They take their cheeseburger, enter the phone booth and emerge on top of the world, and all we can do is stand back corrected, and in awe.
Sunday – ½ Rack of BBQ Ribs – The Meateater
Make no mistake – this Hero is something of an anti-hero. The Meateater knows what they want, and what they want is meat. Just meat. Nothing else but tender, succulent meat, and they’ll do anything to get it. The ribs on offer here are imported from Spain, but the Meateater cares not from whence it came – only from what it is made. Legends tell of a fateful evening when the sadly-missed vigilante Monsieur Veg once offered The Meateater a Quorn Sausage in lieu of his usual Cumberland – let’s just say that Monsieur Veg was never heard of again.
And there you have it – our very serious rundown of the various types of Food Hero that find comfort and familiarity in the writings of our menu. If this post has gone to show anything, it’s that Revolution’s kitchen provides something for every kind of person there is. If you’re interested to find our more about the kind of Hero you are, why not take a look at our new menu? Who knows what you’ll find out.