Here’s something that never made sense about Santa.
Despite the fact he was a mystical, superhuman being who could travel around the world at light speed carrying a world’s supply of presents, he never seemed to be able to bring you anything outside of the Argos catalogue.
Hmm… Something doesn’t quite check out.
Anyway, while we’re on the topic, let’s indulge in some nostalgic goodness by reminiscing about all those junk toys you were so desperate to have when you were younger.
1. Jelly Alien Egg
Anyone remember these bad boys? Yeah!
Remember how when you’d smoosh two of their heads together and put them in the fridge to find that they had given birth to a brood of smaller alien babies?
Of course you don’t. Because despite all the rumours, that never, ever happened once.
2. Velco Food Play Set
Just the mere sight of these bad boys makes us want to well up with nostalgia.
Although looking back, they do seem a bit silly, considering you could buy all of their real counterparts in Tesco for less than a fiver.
3. Mr Frosty
Probably the most disappointing toy of your childhood.
All we wanted was a toxic looking slush puppy to be dispensed from the stomach of a slightly aroused plastic snowman, and we couldn’t even get that because the bloody thing never worked.
In summary, Mr. Frosty wasn’t fun, and he never made a drink for anyone.
Well, that was until you went back to school in January only to find that a friend of a friend who went to another school had been given a slightly better Scalextric complete with trees, people and a grandstand, turning your Christmas dream into a complete nightmare!
Let’s face it, there probably wasn’t a Christmas list in the country that didn’t feature a PlayStation right at the very top.
Now, let’s jump on Crash Bandicoot and have ourselves a proper Christmas.
6. Electronic Diary
Coming in hot-pink with electric purple buttons, we were so bloody cool back then.
7. Sky Dancers
Christmas Day in the 90s was never the same after you nearly lost an eye or a clump of your hair thanks to the work of a rather dangerous Sky Dancer.
Also, please enjoy this wonderfully 90s Sky Dancer advert.
Everyone enjoyed the idea of owning a Furby as a kid, but in reality, they were something from a dystopian nightmare and spent long spells in the fridge as your parents tried to work out how to shut it the hell up.
And to add to that, we’re pretty sure they were used by the Government to spy on us.
9. Beanie Babies
A quick eBay search will tell you that the majority of the Beanie Babies up in your loft are worth zilch ’cause you hadn’t carefully preserved the all-important TY tags in their little plastic cases.
Oh well, they might still come back in fashion.
Looking back, it’s hard to see why all of us had Battleships, a game that really does put the ‘board’ back into ‘boardgame’.
Do your family still get you bad Christmas presents like when you were ten?
Sort them out and ask for two Christmases this time around; one at home on the big day, and one beforehand with a Revolution Christmas Party!
With a truly huge festive feast, some of the most delicious cocktails EVER, and more party spirit than Santa after 14 glasses of sherry, this is one Christmas present that ticks all the boxes!