It’s Monday. The weekend is over and you’re forced to trudge back into real life. We know – it hurts.
At least you can take comfort in the fact that the hatred of commitment is a universal human feeling that has existed for centuries, as made evident by the poor, wretched souls depicted in these classical artworks.
Practically speaking, it won’t make your situation any better, but you can at least take some cheap comfort in the fact that everyone else since the beginning of time has hated work as much as you do.
See if you can relate. We’re sure you will…
You wake up and pray desperately to Jesus that you don’t actually have to go to work, but Jesus is totally indifferent and just falls asleep on your wrist.
Eventually, you’re dragged out of bed, but you keep your cloth blindfold on as you insist that there’s still enough time for 5 minutes sleep.
You get your extra five minutes in bed, meaning you have to drink your bowl of coffee at the same time as having a bath. It’s not convenient, but totally worth the extra five minutes sleep.
You need to get dressed, but you still refuse to accept that this is actually happening. You hide from the world, and your pet crow takes advantage of your laziness.
After finally getting changed, you sit on the floor for five minutes in a state of numb, dejected passivity, wondering how the hell you let your life get like this.
You begin your commute, feeling a little bit stupid that you have to wear a black suit because black is totally not your colour.
You miss the bus, and end up having to take the dreaded devil harpy. He’s not very nice company, but to be fair there’s significantly more legroom available than on the 409.
You get to work, and your over zealous colleague Gav is way too happy to be back at work, and it’s just too much.
2 weeks of Christmas partying have totally ruined you, and inevitably you start to fall asleep at your desk.
You have a brew to wake yourself up, but then realise too late that three teaspoons of coffee was probably going overboard.
Management call you in for a meeting. Just for LOLz, they make you undergo a forced circumcision, but they’re paying you £7.50 an hour which is above the minimum wage so you can’t really complain.
You struggle a bit during the operation, so your boss gets angry and tries to behead you, but luckily Dan from HR steps in to intervene.
Feeling undermined, the boss attempts to behead Dan from HR. Of course, since you are being paid £7.50 an hour, which is above the minimum wage, all you can really do is stand back and watch.
Sally is still on annual leave, so you have to take over and be Satan’s belly for a bit. At this point, you again question how you let your life get in this state.
You go to sit back at your desk, but it’s got to the point in the day when your zany colleagues are just getting a bit too much for you.
You repeat this for another 30 days, and finally you get paid, but by this point you have literally been worked to death.
You see, it’s not just you! The work routine has always sucked, and there is absolutely no way around this harsh human reality.
Oh wait – there is one way. Every Monday we’re offering up 50% off food, and we’ll cook you up an awesome half price meal to soothe those back-to-work blues. Why not book in now to guarantee your survival?
Now don’t you feel sorry for all those classical art figures? They didn’t have friends like us to make them feel better. You’re welcome.