Damn these postmodern times. These days, you can’t make fun of anyone for wearing dated clothes.
One day you’re picking on your mate for wearing dungarees. The next day society decides that dungarees are the ultimate fashion statement.
What the hell is going on? It was so much simpler when lame stuff stayed lame.
Oh well, since times have changed, we may has well have a little discussion about a few styles from the 90s that we’d be interested in seeing resurrected (and a few that could definitely do to stay in the past).
There was something so self-consciously smug about dying the tips of your hair white. When someone had it done, you kind of felt that resentment towards them that you feel when a friend says they want to do stand-up comedy. ‘Oh, so you must think you’re funny then?’. Except with frosted tips it was, ‘oh, so you must think you’re really cool then?’.
Cocky. bold. Semi-permanent. Yeah, we reckon N-Sync frosty tips should make a comeback. Even if it’s just for LOLs.
Really baggy jeans
Does anyone remember these guys? Maybe it was all thanks to Eminem. He was cool, and he wore ridiculously baggy jeans. If we wear them, we’ll be cool. Simple maths right?
Wrong, unfortunately. Eminem was a rapper. A really really cool rapper. Take the rapper out of the stupid jeans and you just have a pair of stupid jeans. And we wore them. A lot. Eek.
It was the 90s. We had barely recovered from having our minds blown by the INCREDIBLY REALISTIC special effects of Jurassic Park – what were we supposed to do when someone released shoes that flashed when you walked. It was like – SO futuristic.
Okay, maybe we got a little dazzled by the light back then. But now that we’ve sobered up, think about it. If you saw someone wearing flashing shoes now, you’ve got to admit – it would be kinda cool, right?
Yeah. BRING THEM BACK.
Come on you stupid pieces of denim, pick a side! What are you, shorts or trousers?
It’s like getting half of your head shaved. You’ve got to commit to one style or the other, or else it just confuses people. Did you buy pants too short, or shorts too long? Who knows!?
We reckon let these undecided disasters in the past. It’s better that way. For everyone.
No one can deny how useful these bags are. But that was their downfall – they were SO practical that there was no way it could be cool. Practical is for losers – messy is for the real renegades.
But think about it. These are so iconically uncool that anyone caught wearing one now would be making a pretty bold statement; essentially, ‘I don’t care what you think about me at all’. Which – say it quietly – is pretty damn cool.
Go on. Bring it back. If you dare.
Time has not treated the shell suit well. In 2012, it was voted the worst fashion item of the past 50 years, and to be honest, we can understand why.
They make the wearer look like they’re belong to a totalitarian army of long distance joggers. Plus, they’re shiny and loose fitting, like a really rubbish sexy PVC outfit.
Avoid. Just avoid. Forever.
Shirt tied around waist
There was something a bit Saved By The Bell about this particular style that made it quickly lose its cool. Like, it’s cool to look laid back and rebellious, but tying a shirt around your waist made it obvious how hard you were trying.
But, time has shown us that this has made a bit of a comeback. Check out Dakota Johnson looking chilled in NYC. Who would have guessed that, eh?
So, as we’ve seen, it looks like fashion history doesn’t always repeat itself. You can bet that if your mate is wearing a shell suit, you’ll always be able to make fun of them, which is somewhat comforting.
On the other hand, if you’re really looking for a retro resurgence that’s guaranteed to be cool, then look no further than our upcoming Big Friday event.
There are gonna be retro vibes flowing all over the place, and you really shouldn’t miss out, so book now – our retro party could make three-quarters look cool.