After an intense twelves minutes of research, we think we’ve learnt what the London Marathon is all about.
Basically, it revolves around 50,000 masochists – sorry, er, people – going for a jog, staring at a digital watch every fourteen yards and finally, updating their profile picture with a photo of themselves wrapped in a tin foil blanket like some kind of sweaty roast potato.
Like, if you ask us, we don’t really get what the big deal is. 26.2 miles? Pfft, here’s a list of things that are ACTUAL hard work.
Reaching the end of your fav Netflix series
We’ve all been there.
As the final credits roll, all you can see reflected in the black screen is your double chin, your sad eyes and an emptiness you haven’t felt since Buster went to live on the farm.
Post Netflix Series Depression, or PNSD for short, should be treated right away either by starting said series from the beginning or consulting your nearest Google search engine for a new series to begin.
Saying no to dessert
Yes. Sure. Absolutely. Indeed. Okey-dokey. Uh-huh. Righto. Yup. Yuppers. Ja. Totally. Fo’ shizzle. Yessir. HELL YEAH…
With so many ways to yes, it’s basically IMPOSSIBLE to say, you know, that other word, to dessert. So yes, we WILL see the menu please.
Getting out of bed in the morning
Look, okay, going for a long, brisk walk around London is NOTHING compared to leaving the comfort of your bed to go to work. Especially after you’ve stayed up ‘til 3AM watching YouTube make-up tutorials and Peep Show outtakes.
Bagging a Glastonbury ticket
Seeing as they’re both endurance tests that involve stamina, determination and waking up FAR too early, getting a ticket to Glastonbury is actually pretty similar to the London Marathon.
Where they differ is that a marathon doesn’t involve clicking refresh 186 times and ultimately forking out £240 to find out Mumford & Sons are headlining two weeks after buying your ticket. Urgh.
Your phone running out of battery on public transport
Now what are you meant to do?
Make small talk with other passengers? Be prepared to get put in a white padded cell. Gaze out the window like you’re in a film? Impossible to do without the piano soundtrack. Look over other people’s shoulders at their phones? You know what, that just might work.
It’s just like being on your own phone, without all your mates’ annoying status updates.
Naming a baby
It’s only in the process of naming your own flesh and blood that you realise just how many people you really hate.
You can’t have Oliver because you know an Oliver who says holistic like it’s a normal word. Noah is out ‘cause that’s an ex and you’ve come across too many dogs named Arthur.
Oh, yeah, and we guess that whole childbirth thing is pretty tough too
Drinking a bad cup of tea
C’mon, you know what we’re getting at here.
It’s milky, you’re not sure the bag ever even went in and to top it all off, it’s in a comically large Sports Direct mug, so it’s never ending.
Sure, a marathon might cause your legs to ache, but a bad cup of tea lingers in the mouth, the mind, and yes, even the heart.
Look, we’re only messing. If you’ve ever even thought of running a marathon, we take our hats off to you. Well bloody done, and by the way… You DEFINITELY deserve a burger. And we know just the place!
With loads of heavenly bits and pieces in our glorious bar food menu, you really need to grab your trainers and get running to your nearest Revolution!