Right, let’s just make this clear straight away. While we like to enforce a strict policy of not calling our readers absolutely terrible human beings…
You are reading a blog about last minute gifts ideas, less than a week before Christmas, in which it mentions you being a terrible human in the title.
So, you know, what are we really supposed to think?
But if you’ve still not bought a thing yet, we’re here to help. Kind of. Without further ado, here’s some truly terrible last minute gift ideas to match your truly terrible personality.
1. A ‘Netflix & Chill’ Candle
Trying to set a certain, ahem, mood?
Well, just like the type of person who buys novelty candles, this candle has no chill.
2. Beard Bells
They’re cheap, ugly, and guaranteed to never really be appreciated by your beard-aficionado friends…
But on the bright side, you’ll be able to hear hipsters approaching from a mile away. Which is really nice.
3. An Animal Weighing Scale
Now, gifting scales at Christmas is a huge NO-NO. But buying your friends scales that show their weight in relation to the closest weighing animal? Errr, we’re not sure.
Because while it sounds risky, having your weight shown as a barn animal is something that everyone definitely wants to experience at least once in their life. Definitely.
4. Anything that is a not-so-subtle hint
Toothpaste. Nose trimmers. A Lynx gift set.
Whatever they might say, people LOVE being made aware of their smelly, hairy, worryingly-obvious personal hygiene issues.
5. Home Alone 3 & 4 on VHS
Straight-to-video films of a classic well-loved franchise? Check. Doesn’t even feature the real Kevin? Check. Something nobody is guaranteed to own because it’s absolutely terrible? Check check check.
You’ve done it. This is the worst gift imaginable. We dare you.
6. Anything that’s alive
A lizard. A cat. A wonderfully-ugly pug that you’re sure they’ll love even though they’ve never actually mentioned anything about pets.
Go on, do it. Remember, pets are the gift that keeps on giving. Because they’ll be stuck with them for life.
7. A multipack of AA batteries
Gift not included.
8. A YouTuber’s Book
You know what your 86-year-old Nan really wants this Christmas?
Nope, not lovingly-stirred homemade jam. Or even the gift of your presence after not hearing from you for ages.
No. No. No. What she really wants is a book ‘written’ by Zoella so she can finally nail that winged-eyeliner look.
Now, forget about all these terrible presents, and give the gift of good times this Christmas…
Made from premium triple-distilled vodka, featuring all your favourite flavours, guaranteed to get even Santa a lil’ tipsy, and now? We’re giving you 25% off Handcrafted Flavour bottles online in our EXTENDED Flavour Sale!
So go on, unwrap the party spirit this season – before it’s too late!