When it comes to mixing up incredible cocktails and cooking awesome food, we know what we’re doing.
When it comes to training for an intense endurance test of our physical limits in a disciplined and effective manner, we have no idea what we’re doing.
However, that won’t stop us from providing you with a rundown of how we’ll be training for the London Marathon.
Mind over matter
Eddie Izzard is 54 years old and he ran 40 marathons in 40 days. That’s absurd.
He said it was a case of mind over matter. Given that, we’d recommend a period of intense meditation for you to prepare your mind for the endurance.
And by meditation we mean sleep. Loads and loads of fantastic, wonderful sleep.
Stay hydrated and nutrified
Everyone knows that what you get out of your body is only as good as what you put into it.
Some people would recommend drinking water and eating a healthy breakfast of wholegrain porridge.
We’re a bit smarter than that. That’s why we wake up to a nice cold pint of craft beer. It’s basically water and oats, after all. Right?
Dress up in a funny costume
It wouldn’t be the London marathon if it wasn’t populated with runners dressed in all manner of zany costumes.
That’s why we’d recommend going as someone really wacky like, for example, Zorro. Of course, for real authenticity you’re going to have to complete the entire marathon on horseback. Who says marathons have to be difficult?
Take loads of performance enhancing drugs
Just kidding. Obviously. That’s what idiots do.
When Michael Phelps was training for the 2008 Olympics, he would consume more than 12,000 calories a day to fuel his exertion.
We reckon you start by ordering every burger and pizza in our menu and eating it all in one sitting.
Just remember to work it all off in the evening. You will remember, right?
Get in shape
Of course, you could do the conventional route of going to the gym and working really, really hard on a treadmill.
Or, you could be smart about it and fun whilst getting fit. How?
Spend every night of the month before the Marathon at Revolution, dancing the night away. If anyone judges you, ask them to point out how it’s any different from doing Zumba everyday (of course, hide the Cherry Woo Woo behind your back before you do).
The ultimate tip for the London marathon…
Sack it off. Think of all the weekends you’ll have to spend doing boring stuff like going to bed early and eating boiled kale for dinner.
Who knows? You might even do some dancing, which is way better for your ankles than running 26 miles.