January is the worst month ever, right?
You’re plunged back into real life. Your boss is more enthusiastic than ever to make this year the best year yet (ie. work harder) while you’re barely coming to terms with the fact that you’re no longer sitting at home recovering peacefully from a Ferrero Rocher-induced coma.
And to top it all off, you’re skint. Like, really skint. Seriously, how are you supposed to cope with this month?
We’ve got your back. Here’s our desperate measures guide to surviving January on a budget.
1. Cancel Netflix. ‘Borrow’ someone else’s
When you’re in financial dire straits, at least you can rely on Netflix to occupy all of those evenings you’ve been forced to stay at home. However, even the £5.99 subscription fee is out of the question right now, so ask to ‘borrow’ your mate’s account log-in. If you accidentally ‘forget to log out’ for the foreseeable future and they don’t notice, well…
2. Grow your own food
Did you know that if you go to Asda you can actually buy these little round things that you put in soil and free food just grows out of the ground? It’s crazy – yeah, you might have to wait a few weeks, but you can literally have your own supply of cucumbers in your back garden – mental, right?! So far, they’ve only managed to make that work for vegetables and fruit, but we’re hoping they release a grow-your-own pizza range soon.
3. Become a hipster – it’s cheap!
Turn your poverty into street cred by not shaving and buying the most unwanted clothes at the charity shop. Yeah, you might have to start feigning an appreciation for foreign cinema and Japanese vaporwave, but there’s a fine line between looking homeless and hipster and that lies in a pretentious appreciation for things no sane person would actually enjoy.
4. Cancel your gym membership
Gym membership ain’t cheap, and you definitely can’t afford that right now. But hey ho, seeing as though you’ll probably be eating a lot less this month, you can afford to skip out on your squats! See – it’s all swings and roundabouts.
5. Take a boozy trip down memory lane
Just because you’ve started staying in to drink doesn’t mean you can afford a posh bottle of wine. In fact, can you even afford the heating costs? Save properly AND take a trip back in time by picking up a bottle of white lightning cider and drinking in the park with your mates. Yeah – it’s not glamourous, but you’re no Mr. Rockerfeller right now, are you?
And if you’re no good at being frugal, there is one final alternative…
6. Stage an international diamond heist
Of course, you’ll need to be a little bit tech savvy for this one, but it’s totes worth it if you can pull it off. All you’ll need is an expert team of sophisticated criminals, an elaborate plan involving a few kilos of plastic explosive and/or a massive drill, and finally a private island to retreat to for a couple of months while the heat cools off. Sure, you’ll end up an international fugitive, but you’ll no longer be worried about that January skint feeling!
Okay – we can understand if you think some of these suggestions are a little extreme, but these are desperate times! Of course, there is an obvious solution to all of this….
Get a Revolution Card. It gives you access to loads of great food and drink offers, which means that you can still eat and drink in a swanky bar without having to resort to farming your own land or drinking really bad quality cider.
Plus, it now comes with a cool cheque book full of loads of extra juicy January offers, so we’re really keen on helping you survive this harrowing month. Go on, get one now. It’s a lifesaver.