Post-Christmas depression. Blue Monday. Broken resolutions. Yes, January has pretty much got it in for us, and you’re probably worried it’s gonna do you in, once and for all. Well don’t be, because we’re here to help!
This cheeky lil’ survival guide has been lovingly designed to add some sunshine to the most depressing month of the year… Plus we’ve got a tasty little somethin’ somethin’ as a surprise at the end. Enjoy!
Go easy on the convo on your first day back…
It’s not like you’re not happy to see everyone (well, mostly everyone) but surely there’s a finite number of times you can have the “How was your Christmas?” conversation, when we all did basically the same thing. Christmas was a time of TV, turkey and Trivial Pursuit.
New Year you got way too drunk, waited two hours for a cab, then passed out only to wake 14 hours later in a pile of chips and shame… You missed most of New Year’s Day, developed a seriously spotty chin and also, unfortunately, a potential liver problem.
Nope, best to just avoid people altogether. Get your head down and get through – you’ll soon be back on your sofa where it’s safe.
Don’t let Blue Monday be a thing
You’ve already got the worst out of the way (going back to work) and not one person has gasped at the weight you’ve put on (sadly, the two-packets-of-mince-pies-a-day diet will do that to ya) so what’s there to worry about?
Science says that Blue Monday is the ‘most depressing day of the year’ but we say “Get over it Science, you’re WRONG.” Who even asked Science anyway?
Nope, on Monday 16th January don’t even think about sobbing silently in the corner, refusing to speak to anyone. Instead, drink lots of cups of tea and organise a lunchtime sing-a-long of Kumbaya. It’ll be brilliant, and boost the mood throughout the the whole office. Even your boss will bloody love it. We promise.
Invest in a mermaid blanket…
Yes, they’re a thing and yes, you need one right now. They’re beautiful, soft, come in a rainbow of colours and you can sit back and just be Ariel all day.
Kiss goodbye to feelings of crabbiness, with your new knitted, ocean-inspired quilt… Because in the words of the great Sebastian, “Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, under the sea.”
Even though you’ll be dry. And nowhere near the sea. But you get where we’re going with this. JUST GET ONE.
… Alongside a light therapy lamp
Let’s face it, nobody likes getting out of bed in the darkest depths of winter, but SAD is a serious thing.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (where you get really down in the dumps from lack of UV-light) is common, but easily treated with a light therapy lamp. These ease you into the day by mimicking natural sunlight, so get yourself some plug-in summer and you’ll soon be feeling more switched on.
Remind yourself how many days until Christmas
With this handy Christmas countdown clock. Because 352 days REALLY isn’t that long, right? Right?
Borrow a doggy (yes it’s a thing)
First came Tinder. Then came 3nder (Google it. No actually, don’t). And somewhere in between the two came Borrow My Doggy. Yes, this app is for lonely souls who don’t want a soulmate (or two) and just want a four-legged friend, but don’t have the time/space/budget for vets bills.
Link up with a friendly dog-owner, and take little Fido out for a leisurely stroll in the park – you’ll feel miles better. And if it’s raining? You’re totally allowed to stay in with said borrowed pet and simply snuggle – ‘cause there’s nothing sadder than a pug in the rain.
EAT your way through the pain
It’s universally accepted that New Year’s resolutions are really a great big steaming heap of rubbish. Detox? Don’t bother.
If you’re feeling crap this January, your best bet is to simply EAT your way through it and worry about the consequences in Feb. And we’re not talking about old turkey, oh no. We mean pizza. Burgers. Pasta. Steaks. Garlic bread. All the greats. If you’re gonna do it, do it right.
If you’re a little bit skint (and by that we mean totally broke) as everybody is these days, the last point can be a little tricky. Fear not, friends! For we’re offering you 50% off our ENTIRE food menu, all the way through this horrendous fart-in-a-lift that calls itself a month.
All you gotta do is book a table. You tell us when you’re comin’ down, and we’ll take half price off your food. Now stick that in your pipe and smoke it, January!