Gherkins. Kale. Jalapeños.

No, we’re not describing some hot salad we’re planning to make. We’re not that lucky. Not this time. Instead, these are all foods that people (can we really call them people?) actually dip into lovely lovely chocolate.

What did chocolate ever do to these people? We don’t know. Where is the humanity? Long gone. Is this all some kind of sick joke? We really, really hope so.

Anyway, we’re reviewing ALL the crazy items that people will slather in chocolate so you don’t have to, and asking life’s greatest philosophical question while we’re at it… Is it OK to dip these foods in chocolate?

GH-URGH-KINS

This just happened. #chocolatepickle

A post shared by Lindsey Eilzabeth Crowell (@lindscrowell) on

What does it taste like? Said to be salty-with-an-ever-so-slight-hint-of-sweet with a satisfying crunch. But come on, that’s all PR talk. We all know this tastes like a real-life nightmare.

What’s the likelihood of it ever ending up on our menu? Well, we’re firmly in the camp that gherkins were invented as the one and only way to ruin a good burger, so there’s no chance we’d ever cover ‘em in chocolate and subject you to this horror, so you’re safe.

And on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being Absolutely Not Under Any Circumstances and 10 being Go Right Ahead), how OK is it to dip this in chocolate? This gets a firm 2/10 from us.

YOU’RE BACON OUR HEARTS

What does it taste like? IT TASTES LIKE BACON AND CHOCOLATE OBVIOUSLY.

What’s the likelihood of it ever ending up on our menu? WE’RE SUDDENLY VERY OKAY WITH THIS NEW CHOCOLATE DIPPING TREND. YES. DIPPING FOOD INTO CHOCOLATE IS THE GREATEST THING NOW.  

And on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being Absolutely Not Under Any Circumstances and 10 being Go Right Ahead), how OK is it to dip this in chocolate? 9/10 WOULD DEFINITELY DIP AGAIN.

CHOCOLATE JALAPEÑOS

What does it taste like? From the highs of chocolate bacon, we’re brought back down to Earth with what we can only describe as a spicy prank for your enemies.

What’s the likelihood of it ever ending up on our menu? Honestly, we hate this so much we refuse to honour this dish with a witty pun. It’s that bad. But if we ever decide to put this on our menu, we expect you to make contact with your childhood bully and invite him along for a meal.

And on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being Absolutely Not Under Any Circumstances and 10 being Go Right Ahead), how OK is it to dip this in chocolate? It has to be a 3/10. Sorry.

NICE BUNS

What does it taste like? Now, this is the fine-dining side of chocolate dunking. With blue cheese and fancy schmancy melting chocolate sauce, this is one burger we could probably learn to get our mouths around.

And is that a croissant bun, we spy? Okay, we kind of love this.

What’s the likelihood of it ever ending up on our menu? We would never say never to this.

And on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being Absolutely Not Under Any Circumstances and 10 being Go Right Ahead), how OK is it to dip this in chocolate? Dunk to your heart’s content with this. 8/10.

KALE US NOW

What does it taste like? We’re told it’s supposed to be a bit like rice crispy cakes. Remember them? Rice crispy cakes taste like childhood, don’t they? They taste like licking the chocolate off the spoon, don’t they? You know what they don’t taste like? Kale.

What’s the likelihood of it ever ending up on our menu? Before this blog, we were fond of saying that we’d eat anything and everything, as long as it was covered in chocolate. But now, we’re not so sure. And so with that in mind, there’s more chance of seeing chewing gum on our food menu than chocolate bloody kale.  

And on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being Absolutely Not Under Any Circumstances and 10 being Go Right Ahead), how OK is it to dip this in chocolate? It’s a bit better than that chocolate gherkin lollipop thing, but not my much. 3/10.

CHOCOLATE BROWNIE

What does it taste like? With Colombian chocolate brownie and perfect vanilla pod ice cream, this is the chocoholic’s choice.

And if we’re honest, it’s the best thing you’ve ever tasted with a spoon. It’s the holy trinity of flavours. Creamy. Dreamy. Chocolatey.

What’s the likelihood of it ever ending up on our menu? You’ll be very happy to know, it already bloody is.

And on a scale of 1-10 (with 1 being Absolutely Not Under Any Circumstances and 10 being Go Right Ahead), how OK is it to dip this in chocolate? Technically, our Chocolate Brownie isn’t dipped into chocolate, instead, it’s slathered in chocolate. Yes. Slathered. We said what we said. 10/10.

 

Now, with our delicious Chocolate Brownie available, forget about all those other weird chocolate combos (fine, maybe don’t forget about that chocolate bacon), and dig into an amazing offer instead!

That’s right, if you can chomp it, chew it, sip it, down it, or even smother it in our famous smokkinaise, we’re giving it you for 1/3 of the price!

Available Sunday to Friday, we’re giving you a HUGE 1/3 off your food and drink bill. And all YOU gotta do to claim this amazing offer?

Simply fill out this form, and then enjoy!

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