We are just a lil’ bit excited about Easter.
We can’t help it, okay. We’re properly buzzing. And in our excitement, we’ve started to ask some important questions.
Like, is Easter actually the best commercially-bastardised-religious-holiday there is? Is Christmas overrated? If a bunch of cats jump on each other, is it still called a dog pile?
Yes. Yes. And no, it is called a cat stack.
Don’t believe us? Well, here’s the definitive proof that Easter is actually LOADS better than Christmas.
It has a WELL better Bible story
Look, stay with us on this one.
At Christmas, we get a tired tale of an unexplained pregnancy that nobody’s buying. Sure, it has an established cast of kings, shepherds and tight innkeepers, but essentially it consists of a birth in a stable.
And after definitely-not-crying at all seven series of 24 Hours in A&E, the Christmas story is just a bit… Yawn, you know? Easter on the other hand, is a story of betrayal, corruption, bribery and public execution. It’s even got a resurrection from death, ffs.
The Easter plot is so good it’s basically a Tarantino movie-in-the-making. While the Christmas story is so bad, it would probably star Adam Sandler as Joseph and Sarah Jessica Parker as the donkey.
All the edible gifts
Every gift at Easter is edible. Every. Single. One.
And there’s a safety in Easter’s predictability. No-one ever lay awake on Easter eve, panicking that they would receive yet another Twilight poster from Aunt Kathy because she thought she saw them read the book once (but actually she didn’t).
Nope. Even Aunt Kathy will get you a chocolate egg. You will eat said egg for breakfast. And nothing will rival your pure satisfaction.
Santa Claus is a dictator
Let’s look at the facts.
He distributes presents based on a subjective assessment of your ability to be good in his eyes. He’s reliant on the complete exploitation of the elf underclass, AND he refuses to work unless supplied with offerings, like mince pies and brandy, from his subjects.
The Easter Bunny on the other hand? It spreads unconditional love, joy and most importantly, chocolate to everyone. What a babe.
No annoying Christmas films
No Snape cheating on Nanny McPhee, no creepy filming of Keira Knightley and definitely NO Hugh Grant pretending to be a sexy Prime Minister.
Sure, they are all from the same film (that will not be named), but not even Elf is exempt from the list of Christmas films we’re glad won’t be on telly again this Easter.
Easter is chill AF
Look, let’s be real, it’s easy to not give a sh*t about Easter.
Yeah, it’s a great excuse to binge on egg-shaped confectionary, but there isn’t an entire culture surrounding it, you know? Like, it’s so low maintenance that it’s date changes once a year and Easter is just like ‘whatever, man’.
Christmas, however, is a four-year-old high on Fanta Fruit Twist pulling your hair and saying ‘did you know it’s my birthday soon’ at the end of September. Don’t like turkey? Or Christmas jumpers? Or any of your relatives?
Well, just deal with it, ‘cause Christmas has no chill.
If you need even more reasons why Easter is well better than Christmas, then look no further.
Our Easter Weekend Blockbuster has more eggy antics than you can believe, including an epic chocolate egg hunt, free cocktails, an eggstended Happy Hour AND loads more.
Check it out right here, and take a peek at EVERYTHING we’re planning this bank holiday weekend.
Seriously, don’t whisk (sorry) missing out on this!