We’re going to put this out there straight away. We LOVE Christmas songs. From the heart-warming cosiness of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas to Mariah Carey’s downright perfect All I Want For Christmas Is You, a good festive tune is hard to beat.
But for every Walking In The Air there is a Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas) and for every Frosty The Snowman there is a Funky, Funky, Christmas (New Kids On The Block, now you ask).
So which Yuletide ditties are the worst of the worst? Which songs belong to be confined to the naughty list forever more? Well, dear reader, we frankly have nothing better to do so we have put together a list of the worst Christmas tunes ever.
The Cheeky Girls – Have A Cheeky Christmas
This ‘pop hit’ from Romanian ‘women’ The Cheeky Girls somehow managed to worm its way into the top ten way back in 2003. The 2004 follow-up Boys and Girls (Xmas Time Love) failed to make the top forty. Shame.
Justin Bieber feat. Busta Rhymes – Drummer Boy
To be honest, the first fifty seconds of this are not that bad. But then. Oh god, but then.
Elmo & Patsy – Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Bit of a leftfield choice, this one. Leftfield in the sense that, thankfully, not many people in the UK will have heard of it. Thank heavens for small mercies.
Crazy Frog – Jingle Bells
Remember that time when you waited excitedly all year for that special present and on Christmas morning it wasn’t under the tree. And then when you asked your parents where it was they just laughed and said that you didn’t deserve it and you weren’t their real child anyway?
Yeah, that’s still not as bad as this song.
Aqua – Spin Me A Christmas
Apparently this is an example of a genre called ‘bubblegum pop’. If that’s the case then we suspect this song was found stuck to the underside of a table. In a brothel. In Russia.
Spice Girls – Christmas Wrapping
Hey, Spice Girls! If you’re going to cover a Christmas classic at least get all of you in to do the job rather than just Sporty and Baby.
Wham! – Last Christmas
Now, this one has split opinion here at Revolution HQ. Some people really love it. But they’re not writing this article. So they lose.
Mr Blobby – Christmas In Blobbyland
In December 1995 NASA made history when the Galileo probe entered Jupiter’s atmosphere for the first time. In the same month Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby managed to release this monstrosity into earths atmosphere. Oh, humanity.
Cyndi Lauper – Christmas Conga
Come on now, Cyndi. You really should know better.
Newsong – The Christmas Shoes
Okay, we know Christmas is a bit sickly sweet. But, really? This is so saccharine that all of our teeth fell out just from watching the video. Well, they would have done if we hadn’t switched it off after 20 seconds. Then smashed our computers up.
So, it’s pretty clear to see that sometimes wonderful things like Christmas can produce terrible, terrible things. But how about you? Have you been really good or really bad this year? But just remember, you can never be as bad as these horrid songs. Hopefully.