Black Friday is coming, and you want to make the most of it, right?
All of the confusion and chaos that surrounds this money-saving event means that you need to really think about how you’re going to go about it.
Here’s our definitive piece of advice that will make sure you have the best Black Friday ever.
AVOID BLACK FRIDAY AT ALL COSTS
That’s the only way to have a good Black Friday. Because let’s be honest, the whole thing is nothing less than a nightmare that brings out the worst in human beings.
If you’ve heavily repressed the horrors of the last Black Friday (we wouldn’t blame you), allow us to refresh your memory.
Here’s why the depressingly titled Black Friday truly lives up to its name.
1. It’s shameless marketing
‘Valentine’s day is stupid, it’s just an excuse for companies to try and sell you things’.
How many times has your jaded, know-it-all mate smugly announced that to you as if they’ve cracked on to some kind of global conspiracy?
Well, they’re probably right. But at least Valentine’s day attempts to disguise itself in some kind of appeal to our imaginations.
Black Friday is as meaningless as it gets.
‘We want you to get into Christmas-present-buying-mode as soon as possible, so we’ll kickstart you into it this Friday by waving a few good deals in your face’.
No message. No meaning. It’s just a big shameless appeal to our desire to have a big TV.
2. It brings out the absolute worst in people
Here’s a proposal for you.
‘I will give you £50 if you physically fight with this woman over a TV, but you still have to pay for the TV. Deal?’
If you’ve got an ounce of sanity, you’d probably say no. Then why on Black Friday do the rules change?
It’s the kind of shallow, consumerist behaviour that makes communists say ‘HA! We TOLD you capitalism was evil!’.
It doesn’t make sense. Sure, you might make a bit of a saving financially. But if you’ve queued up for 5 hours to buy a TV you had to punch someone for, you’ve basically given away your morals for free.
3. The good deals are basically non-existent
We’ve all heard about that one lucky chump who managed to snag a Ferrari and an all-inclusive trip to Dubai for £10 on Black Friday.
It makes our own hearts flutter with the prospect of snagging our own bargain, so we rush out to get something only to find that the few good deals have been snatched up (obviously), and now you’re stuck in Tesco with an unscratched consumer itch.
So what do you do?
You buy a Nespresso coffee machine because it’s got a ‘10% OFF BLACK FRIDAY DISCOUNT’, despite the fact that you don’t even like coffee.
But hey, at least you TOOOOTALLY made the most of that Black Friday discount, right?
4. It’s EFFORT
Three weeks in advance, you’ve been doing your research to find out which shop is going to be offering the best Black Friday deals.
You’ve analysed the statistics, stock market activity and consumer trends just so you know exactly where to go when the day comes.
Black Friday arrives, and you get up bleary-eyed at 3am to be the first in line. The queue takes hours, and you’ve braved all sorts of extreme weather in the meantime.
Finally, they let you in and you lay your hands on that half-price Spiralizer!
Then it hits you. If you’d applied yourself so committedly to something other than Black Friday, you might be earning enough money to not care about half-price Spiralizers.
And yes, you’d only have yourself to blame.
So what to do instead?
Join us for a cocktail, get a FREE Handcrafted Flavour and forget this whole Black Friday thing is even a thing.
Because we don’t need a shameless, unimaginative marketing plug for you to enjoy what we have to offer.
Our awesome cocktails and spirits speak for themselves.