Now, we’re sure you’ve seen Hot Fuzz. You know, Simon Pegg and uhm, whatshisname, dark hair, big, you know, build… The other one.

Whatever, of course you have, it’s a British classic and has been on ITV2 approximately 7,689 times. Now, set in Somerset, you may have thought the film had given you a pretty comprehensive run-through of the type of slang words you’re likely to hear in the South West.

Well… Not quite. The film’s cast may have nailed the accent and the ooo-arrrs, but the slang of the West Country gets much weirder than that. If you’re not squinting at the screen while reading this list and mouthing wtf, then you probably live in the South West.

God’s cows

If you gave us three lifelines, put £16k on the line and made Chris Tarrant relevant again, we still wouldn’t have guessed that ‘God’s cows’ is the term used for ‘ladybirds’ in the South West.

Come on, how weird is that? Calling them ladybirds makes sense because, erm… Well, they’ve got wings? Right? Yeah, that’s it.


Laugh at us all you want, but we saw the word grockles and immediately thought it was a second cousin of the icky ‘edible’ molluscs, cockles.  

It’s safe to say we were a bit off. Turns out grockles is a West Country word used to describe tourists, and as you can imagine with how grockles sounds, it’s not exactly complimentary.


Now, this may sound like the cute word a three-year-old would use for sneezing, but it’s actually…

Oh, wait a minute. It does mean sneezing. Okay, cool. Got it in one.


So, apparently dummon is a South West term for wife. Well. While the internet tells us this is supposed to be affectionate, let’s be real, it doesn’t exactly sound as endearing as saying darling, sweetie or puddin’-pop.

We now pronounce you husband and dummon. Hmmm.


Only the South West could take one of the UK’s favourite words and find a way to work it into everyday conversation.

Shag means mate in the South West, and it’s safe to say that every verbal utterance ends with the word. So basically shag, with this news we’re moving to Devon.


This one is a little tricky, because instead of just one clear definition, gert can mean around eleven things depending on the context.

In short though, gert is a positive term that can mean great, large or even very. Yeah, it’s used a lot.


So, with this in mind, are you ready for some gert parties, Torquay?

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