Look, we’re not one for conspiracy theories.
Our beloved Queeny is not a lizard, we don’t believe in chemtrails, and we definitely don’t think that everyone’s favourite childhood show, Saved By The Bell, was a vehicle for the illuminati. Zach just wouldn’t do that to us, okay.
But in the decades we’ve been working with the ultimate party spirit, we’ve come to realise that there’s a lot of lies surrounding our beloved vodka.
And to be honest, we’re not massive fans of being lied to. We didn’t like it when our parents told us that Pulp Fiction was a documentary about oranges, and we don’t like it now.
Now, you may have been sold on scientific buzzwords like fermentation and the distilling process, heck, we were too, but it was all fake news. We’re taking the cap off one of the biggest conspiracies the world has ever seen. Sit down moon-landing conspiracists, and prepare yourselves.
Here’s the dirty, unbelievable truth about vodka.
What you’ve been told:
Apparently, anything can be used to produce vodka.
Wheat? Sure. Potatoes? Quirky, we like it. The Collected Poems of Philip Larkin? If you distil it for long enough, why not?
Now, if you ask us, this all seems a bit, well, vague, like when your parents say you can be anything when you grow up.
Sorry Kevin, but we don’t think you will ever be a penguin. And we know that vodka can’t just be produced with anything.
You’ve gotta stay with us here, okay.
So basically, you know cows? Course you know cows. They moo, poo, and have udders which produce milk. But what if we told you that milk isn’t all they produce?
Back in the 13th century, on a little farm in Russia, a few rare cows were found to have udders which produced… you guessed it, smooth, ice-cold vodka. Rumour has it, the farmer had the best bowl of Coco Pops he’d ever had on the day of discovery.
Now, we can’t confirm this with certainty as there is some debate around whether Coco Pops were actually around in the 13th century, with a lot of historians believing it to be Frosties he enjoyed instead.
The Vodcows, as they quickly became known, almost became extinct during the gin revival of the 20th century. It was touch and go, but now the Vodcows are flourishing as a species with massive herds all over Europe.
Now, while it seems most brands around the world are set on continuing to use the Vodcow method to create vodka, the geniuses at Ketel One are a little different. They opt for traditional techniques and equipment – including an original 19th-century coal-fire copper pot.
Seriously, you’ll be happy to know, there’s not a cow in sight.
As they’ve been producing their spirit this way for 325 years, we think Ketel One know a thing or two about creating vodka the right way. That’s probably why Ketel One goes so well with our fabulous new cocktails.
What do you mean you don’t know about our new cocktails? Gawd, where’ve you been? Check them out here and get choosing your favourite, we guarantee there’ll be mooore than one with your name on it.