It’s the argument you never thought you cared about, finally solved.

Which of these classic Easter eggs is the best your pocket money can buy?

From the humble Cadbury Buttons egg (small, boring, a bit basic) to the more indulgent ones from Thorntons (huge, luxurious, extravagant— no, extra AF), we’re doing the hard work for you – by eating ranking Britain’s favourite ever Easter chocolate.*

Why? Well, you could say that we’re pros – cut us and we bleed chocolate.

Or vodka. Depending on what time of day it is.

Whatever. Let’s get started.

*Not all of these are actual eggs – don’t @ us. Just deal with it.

CADBURY BUTTONS EGG

Anyone who chooses the Cadbury Buttons egg when every other option is present and correct, is, sadly, a complete psychopath who needs to be locked away for the safety of others until the Easter festivities are over (and yes that includes your Aunty Maureen who is gonna turn up with a carrier bag full of these).

Honestly, it takes BASIC to levels not even Taylor Swift can reach. We’re bored just looking at it. And to top it all off, the chocolate’s got all weird and waxy in recent years and we’ve just had enough.

A real “eat four days after Easter Sunday when you’ve eaten all your other eggs” if we’ve ever seen one.

MILKYBAR MINI EGGS

🐣 || Easter treat to myself #Easter #milkybarminieggs #minieggs

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Unpopular opinion: we love these eggs.

We know we shouldn’t. We know it’s not even chocolate. We even recently learned it’s actually made from lard (yes! Lard! You’re eating lard! We’re all eating lard! And nobody is stopping you!).

But when it’s encased in a delicately crunchy sugar shell and sold you to by a cute, blonde-haired kid in denim chaps? *Chef’s kiss* 

It definitely makes a solid addition to what we call The Easter Handful.* 

*This is the handful of chocolate eggs you take to sit on the couch and graze your way through Easter Sunday. We just invented it now. It’s a thing.

CREME EGGS

Egg? Egg! 😋😋😋 #cremeegg #treatyoself #gimmegimmegimme

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Sure, they could be described as ‘chocolate-coated sugar snot’ but whatevs, these are yummy little buggers, so we were still in.

But then.

The good people lying swines at Cadburys came out and ruined our hopes, lives and dreams – by announcing that ‘it’s actually pronounced crem and not cream‘. Are you. Having a laugh.

And now we’re out. Just so out. Stop the world. We want to get off. But will take some of that lovely yolky fondant tho pls. Mmmm.

REGULAR MINI EGGS

Dear Cadbury Mini Eggs,

Idk why we like u.
U r a dusty lil piece of chocolate, but yum.

Gimme dat.

xoxo

Revolution

INTERLUDE: We have been eating Easter Eggs for two hours now! You might think we feel eggcellent ha ha but no! We feel appalling! We might die in this chair! We don’t think we will ever eat again! After this one last piece!

LINDT GOLD BUNNY

Ah, the true Prince of Easter (sorry Jesus). It’s everybody’s favourite pet you can melt. And eat.

The holder of the tiny golden key to our heart and technically, if you’re a massive nerd, you’ll notice it’s not even an egg.

We do apologise, but these things taste so damn good we couldn’t quite well leave them off now, could we?

MARS EGG

Okay, now we’re talking.

Smashing it. Dribbling a bit. Then looking for the piece where the chocolate gets slightly thicker and firmer than the rest of the egg.

It’s a classic for a reason. The lazy person’s way of saying it’s been around for yonks but it tastes yummy so it’s probably not going anywhere anytime soon – and we are very, very pleased.

Plus, the chocolate’s out of this world (sorry). Round of applause, Nestle.

THORNTONS EGGS

Now you probably never realised at the time, but when people say “You get what you pay for” they’re talking about chocolate eggs. And toilet paper. But mostly eggs.

And they’re DAMN right – especially when it comes to the unrivalled luxury that is a Thorntons Easter egg.

Thick, rich chocolate. Quality packaging. £100 price tag. But bloody hell is it worth it when you can have your very own NAME on it in white chocolate writing.

You wish you were Wendy right now, don’t you? Yeah? Us too.

CHOCOLATE EGG FLAVOUR

Again, not technically a chocolate egg in the traditional sense, but if you’ve made it all the way down to the bottom of this post then YOU DESERVE SOME ALCOHOL.

By far the best thing about Easter is being able to guzzle as much of this glorious stuff as we can get our hands on (before the Easter bunny shows up and we have to give it back) so JOIN US and try it yourself!

Our Big Easter Weekend is the perfect place to sample its sweet, gooey, chocolate eggy goodness. We’ve got LOADS going on all weekend, including egg hunts, giveaways, free cocktails and funky beats. Find out more about what’s going down for Easter here, or get yourself a table booked and get involved!

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