Starting uni is a massive deal.
It’s the first time you’ll be taking on life Han Solo, and the whole experience is a mind-squelching combination of scary, exciting and intoxicating.
Here’s our run-down of how the whole thing tends to pan out, ups and downs included.
The awkward arrival
No one will ever be able to master the art of playing it cool in front of your new flatmates whilst lovingly bidding farewell to your parents.
Making first contact
You creep out of your bedroom and into the kitchen, only to find that the flatmates who arrived earlier have already begun the bonding process.
Do you act eager? Do you play it cool? Friendly? Aloof? There’s no real answer to this, and before you know it you’ve seized up and forgotten how to say words. Epic fail.
The first party
So here it goes. After years of hearing about all the uni partying, you’re about to properly break the ice with everyone by having your first uni drinking session. This is a BIG DEAL.
The first hangover
So you delivered hard on that promise of an intense halls party, and now you’re brain is taking the revenge it deserves. Enjoy not being able to do anything all day other than lament the sorry state you’re in.
The communal hangover
During the hangover, at around 11.30am, you and your flatmates will crawl timidly into the kitchen, in search of moral support (and food).
You discuss the previous night’s events. You laugh. You might even cry. But more than anything else, you’ve started to bond. Awww.
The best friend emerges…
Amidst all of the hustle and bustle of meeting all these strange new people, you quickly find somebody you make an instant connection with, and you just KNOW that this is the ‘uni friend’ you’ll keep for life….
…..then it all falls apart
4 days later and you find out that you went into that friendship a little too eagerly, and you didn’t realise just how much they’re obsessed with MMA, which you’re not into at all.
Now, how to politely break that promise that you would definitely get a house together next year?
Your first lecture
So you walk into the lecture hall, eager to learn. You’ve got your notepad, you listen intently and make loads of notes, and promise yourself that you will strike the perfect balance between study and leisure.
Ha. How sweet and naive of you.
Join 50 societies.
Still eager to get the most of the prestigious institute of learning your lucky to be studying at, you join loads of societies. Drama. Debate. Sports. Real Ale.
‘If I join the societies, my fun will be structured around cultural, productive learning experience’.
Ha! How very, very naive.
The endless partying
With great independence, comes great responsibility.
You honestly thought you’d be able to handle your newfound freedom sensibly. But when you can literally crack open a can of beer / bottle of wine WHENEVER you like, you realise how weak of a human being you actually are.
Weird, pretentious people
You always heard that uni was full of eccentrics, but you never thought you’d actually meet a guy who wears a tophat all the time and lectures you mid-party about Hobbesian social theories and the artistic merits of Iranian New Wave cinema.
If you meet this guy, just walk away and never speak of him again.
The hungover lectures
Oh wow, look at you. You really did a great job of striking that balance between study and leisure, as you’re lying down in a lecture basically still stinking drunk from last night’s partying.
You basically forget you’re here to learn new stuff
Gone are the days where you deluded yourself into thinking you’d use your independence wisely.
By this point, you can’t remember the last time you read a set text or went to a lecture without a hangover. Well done you!
Love is always in the air at uni. Whether it’s a quick fling or an everlasting romance, you can be sure that there’ll be plenty of opportunities to awkwardly fumble your way into someone’s heart at some point.
You heard urban legends of the fresher’s fifteen – the inevitable 15 pounds of blubber you’d gain during 1st year – but you were certain it wouldn’t happen to you.
Newsflash: good intentions cannot counteract the calorific force of drinking and eating nothing but alcohol and Chicken Village 6-piece meal deals.
Oh crap, I’ve actually got exams to pass
It wasn’t just a dream. You actually did come here to learn something, and now you’ve got pass an ACTUAL exam. Why did no one warn you of this?!
You’ve learned literally nothing. It’s time to up your game.
You boldly go where no fresher has gone before….into the library to do some – eurgh – studying.
It’s the big moment. You’ve actually got to write some words down that relate to your course. You never thought this would happen to you, but it has and somehow you’ll probably manage to scrape a 2.1 anyway.
End of year party
Once exams are done and dusted and you’ve decided not to trouble yourself by overthinking what you wrote down, you’ll retreat back into that beautiful world of partying you’ve become so accustomed to for one last party with all of the awesome people you’ve met.
And that’s basically how uni is going to go down if you haven’t done it already.
And for those that have, we’re sure you can agree that your experience wasn’t too different, right?
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