We know it’s January.
We know the weather is depressing AF.
And we even know you’ve been spending every night wrapped in a slanket while secretly listening to your Christmas playlist and reminiscing over the festive, happier times that occurred just a month ago.
But tonight, it’s gonna be different. Tonight, you’re bowing to peer pressure, leaving the slanket at home, and having a night on the tiles. And if you’re still not sure, well, here are all the reasons you NEED to go out tonight.
1. You’ve finally been paid and suddenly have more than £7.36 in your bank account.
After two weeks of genuine nightmares about your card getting declined while buying a big bag of pasta in Tesco, leading the cashier to pull out some comically large scissors to cut your card, then snip open the bag and manically eat the uncooked pasta while laughing in your face…
You’ve made it. You’ve been paid. And we’re so proud of you. So go confidently buy yourself some pasta, then paint the town red.
2. Let’s be honest, you’ve been burnt by FOMO before.
Think you can handle another morning sadly tapping through your very best friend’s Snapchat stories of the night before?
“Yep, that looks fun. A lot of booze going on there. And my favourite song in the background. Oh, they’ve made a new friend. They seem nice. Oh, they’re still with them. Still. And there’s a 10-second long video of them creating a new secret handshake with the caption “BFFs”. Great. Just great.”
3. Dry January is OVER!
Okay, sure. If you want to be technical, there are still four days left of Dry January. But come on, that’s nothing.
Oh? Wait. There are 31 days in January? Well, fine. Five days then. It’s still nothing and you should probably celebrate making it this far.
4. We promise, nobody remembers the really embarrassing thing you did on New Year’s Eve.
Come on, why would anybody remember when you disappeared for two hours and returned with the very guilty look of someone who had just eaten two consecutive McDonald’s Happy Meals on the floor outside the club, vomited a little on your shoe, before Barry, the bouncer you were best mates with 45 minutes ago, wouldn’t let you in anymore?
Nah. Nobody remembers that.
5. You’ve been working so hard at work recently and have definitely earned a blowout.
You know, if we ignore your ten-minute break at the start of every hour and your ten-minute break at the end of every hour and those occasional ten-minute breaks in the middle, you basically NEVER stop working.
6. You’ll never be as young as you are right now.
Now, some people would read this and possibly think about their own mortality and how time is robbing them of their youth and, in a weird way, if you think about it, while we’ll never be this young again, we’ve also never been as close to death as we are right now…
But we leave that kind of thinking to other people, so get out there tonight and celebrate your youth that will definitely last forever.
7. The weather is actually a lot better now!
Honest! It’s almost 3°C on some nights! Almost! We even think we saw the sun the other day! It could have been the moon! We don’t really remember the difference ha ha! Seriously though! It’s getting warmer all the time! You probably won’t even need a jacket soon! Ha ha ha!
8. The FBI agent watching you through your phone is pretty damn bored by this point.
After three weeks of watching you tucked up in bed, somehow eating lying down, and laughing every single time Joey says literally anything on Friends, it’s safe to say that Dave, the FBI agent assigned to your phone, deserves to see an epic party at this point.
9. To paraphrase Kesha, the party don’t start ‘til YOU walk in.
Up and down the country there are bars with no music playing, no drinks being served, with everybody stood on the spot, not speaking to each other, and do you know what’s happening in this Black Mirror-esque nightmare?
They’re waiting for you to arrive. So go on, start the party tonight.
10. And the ONLY reason you need to go out tonight…
Yep, that’s right. We think the best drinks in life and free, and to prove it, here’s a FREE Revolution Loves cocktail on us. So to get sippin’ on a Pornstar Martini quicker than you finish the lil’ shot that comes with it…
Simply click here to sign up and it’s all yours! Enjoy!