It’s happened. You’re broke.
Things have got bad. You’re pitifully counting out your coppers to try and afford a Boots Meal Deal. You’re attempting to sew up that hole in your beloved Patagonia t-shirt, wishing you’d paid more attention in Textiles class – cos this thing was expensive, man. And, you’re far too scared to check your bank balance because you’re so deep into your overdraft you literally need a full-on scuba diving suit to find that dollar.
You really should save money by staying at home. Microwave a Pot Noodle, binge-watch Queer Eye in your unicorn onesie and get major FOMO watching your mates upload loads of photos of the epic night you’re missing out on.
But are you gonna? HELL NO!
Thankfully, as party veterans, we’ve spent years perfecting how to party to the MAX without breaking the bank. So we’ve rounded up some of the best (some might even say ingenious) ways to lower the costs of everyone’s favourite habit: the night out.
1. Pre-drink… HARD
Let’s face it, only a complete rookie misses out on a good ol’ pre-drinks sesh.
Get yourself down to Aldi, pick up a vodka whose name you can’t pronounce, and get so wavy that buying drinks in the club is second priority to throwing some serious shapes.
2. The hip flask is a MUST
A hip-flask from Amazon: £3. Filling it with the cheapest vodka and mixer you can find: £9.
Not having to buy a drink all night ‘cause you’re suitably trollied from your heaven-sent personal booze haven hip-flask: Priceless.
3. ‘You pay for this taxi and I’ll get you a drink when we’re in there’
Okay, repeat those words. Again. Again.
Now, remember, you will never buy your friend that drink. And they’ll be so drunk from pre-drinks they’ll never notice. Job. Done.
4. Skip the entrance fee
Whatever happens, you don’t pay the entry fee. They should pay you for gracing their club. If you talk like a VIP you are a VIP, right?
Or, you know, sneak in through the back fire exit. Or, if you’re not some sort of Russell Brand film, find somewhere with free entry.
5. ‘Forget’ to bring cash
This will need some practice, but at the bar you need to dramatically open your dusty wallet with a ‘Oh no! I forgot to go to the cash machine!’
Then slowly turn to one of your friends and ask for them to cover you. Hopefully they’ll still be too drunk the next day to remember that tenner you owe them.
6. Stay close to a baller
Usually seen holding, but not drinking, a comically large bottle of Grey Goose. To save some serious cash you NEED to lurk around a baller all night long.
Compliment their outfit. Laugh at all their jokes. Hold their hair back when they’re being sick. Do all this, and they just might get you a jägerbomb as a reward.
7. Barter all your worldly possessions for a drink
Take the bedside lamp you got in Cambodia and all the other useless junk you own. Then, get bartering for, if you’re lucky, a sip of a Mojito.
Will people think you’re an idiot? Absolutely. Will you get enough drinks to get drunk? Actually, probably not.
8. Flirt with a bartender
Flutter those eyelashes, send a few cheeky winks their way, whatever you need to do to try and wangle a free drink from the bartender, DO IT!
WARNING: The chances of this working are about as slim as your bank balance, but worth a shot (pardon the pun)!
9. Search for Happy Hour
We’re just going to leave this here, and let you know that you can check your local bar page for all the Happy Hour offers at your nearest Revolution… just sayin’.
10. Pair-up for rounds with a heavy drinker
They get you a pint. You get them a £1 shot.
They get you a mixer. You get them a £1 shot.
They get you a £1 shot. You get them a water.
11. Forget an Uber, jog home instead
Save a tenner on a taxi home, get to the chip shop faster, and get your weekly cardio blast in at the same time.
It’s a win-win. Run, Forrest, run!
12. Avoid Maccies… at all costs!
Look, we’ve all spent £27 buying all of the limited edition bits at Maccies (oh, just us?), but you need to show some resolve here.
If you do get dragged there by your rich friends, get yourself a McFlurry and spend the next hour stealing fries, burger droppings, and unwanted gherkins. Yum.
13. Just never leave the house
Who says pre-drinks ever has to end? NOT US.
‘Forget’ to book the taxi and let pre-drinks slowly make its natural transformation into a house party. Easy peasy.
14. Budget, budget, budget!
Want to avoid the shock of your life when you discover you spent the equivalent of a flight to Berlin on one round?
Well, take cash on your night out and whatever you do, leave your bank card at home…
15. And bring the only card that matters, our Revolution Card!
That’s right, with a whole WORLD of fantastic offers, you can get 2-4-1 cocktails AND discounts on all your favourite drinks brands!
It’s by FAR the greatest way to save a bit of dollar while having the best night out EVER, AND IT’S ONLY £5!
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on, become an honorary member For Good Times Sake, and get your Revolution Card today.