Let’s be honest, the dad joke is a delicate cocktail of humour.
One part punny, two parts cheesy, and always topped off with the groan-tastic “Daaaaaaaaaaad”.
But come on, once the extreme second-hand embarrassment has eventually subsided, even we can’t deny our appreciation of a good (painfully bad) dad joke.
So much so, we’re hitting the dad jokes hard, and rounding up some of the ones that had us always cringing, sometimes smirking, but mostly just wanting to die inside.
Read ‘em and weep. Literally. And when you’re done? Grab yourself a Revolution Card for extra LOLs (and fabulous deals). Now let’s get dad joking!
1. “I’ve just been diagnosed as colourblind. I know, I know, it’s certainly come out of the purple.”
Well, there’s a mouthful of water we’re never getting back.
2. “My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.”
From the bottom of our beating cardiac organ, we hope you find a better one.
3. “Whoever figured out the ‘days of the month correspond with your knuckles’ thing had way too much time on their hands.”
This definitely didn’t take us 7 minutes and 24 seconds to understand.
4. “I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.”
And that’s what it’s all about!
5. “Last night my and my wife watched three films back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV.”
Andddd there’s our first sigh.
6. “What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.”
We just rolled our eyes so hard we’re pretty sure we saw our actual own brain.
7. “Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.”
Did anybody else hear that cricket?
8. “I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.”
This made us groan on so many levels.
9. “I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.”
Walked right into that one.
10. “What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.”
11. “I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro… It’s a total rip-off.”
It’s also such a fad – it’ll never stick around.
12. “I went to a wedding of two satellites. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was incredible.”
Don’t know about you, but we’re getting mixed signals here.
13. “Whatever you do, just don’t trust atoms. They make everything up.”
In fairness, they’re just taking matter into their own hands.
14. “Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local school. Don’t worry, everything’s okay now, he woke up.”
It feels like we’re in a hostage situation right now.
15. “I’m reading a book on the history of glue and I just can’t seem to put it down.”
No amount of glue could prevent these eye rolls.
16. “This graveyard is a bit overcrowded. People must be dying to get in here.”
Actual comedians are probably spinning in their grave at this point.
17. *While reversing a car* “Ahh, this takes me back”
We’re just gonna move forward from this one.
18. “Have you heard of the band ‘1023 Megabytes’? Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.”
How many seasons of The IT Crowd do you have to watch to understand this joke?
19. “I used to hate facial hair… But then it grew on me.”
Is this over yet?
20. “I just watched a programme about beavers, and you know what, it was the best dam programme I’ve ever seen.”
As you can see, we definitely saved the best ‘til last.
See, dad jokes aren’t all bad. They’re just mostly bad.
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