These days, when the festive season rolls around it is totally acceptable and actively encouraged to don a hideous knitted Christmas jumper monstrosity with an inappropriate Dad joke and flashing lights on it all in the name of ‘banter.’ WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE. A standing ovation for 2018, please.
For the most part, this proves to be a lot of fun for everyone, as we all have a giggle at each other’s cute and colourful Christmas knit.
But, as always there are some that take it TOO FAR. So we’ve rounded up seven festive jumpers that threaten to strike at the very heart of Christmas itself. You really don’t want to see these (but you also really do).
YOU KNOW WHEN THOSE SLEIGH BELLS RING…
… That can only mean one thing.
In this case, that ‘thing’ is the sound of Christmas being used to market absolutely anything. Because Drake and Christmas are a match made in heaven, right?
Buy it here, if you must.
BREAK THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
Poor Santa. You didn’t deserve this. You’re famous for being generous and kind.
On behalf of humanity, we’re sorry St. Nick. If you want to help tarnish Santa’s image, here‘s where you can buy it.
EVERY LITTLE HELPS
For those of you who think we’ve lost sight of the true spirit of Christmas, here’s a basic range jumper to help you get back to the fundamentals.
THIS CAN’T BE ELF
Because nothing says ‘Christmas’ more than casually dressing like one of Santa’s deranged gift-making slaves.
It’s cute when Will Ferrell does it, but THAT WAS A MOVIE. Grab yourself one here.
ROCKIN’ AROUND THE STRIPPER’S POLE
We’re not even going to start pointing out what’s wrong about this jumper.
For a start, aren’t humans and elves a different species? Is this a form of mild inter-species erotica? Are they… Oh, forget it. We promised we wouldn’t go down this road.
Verdict: JUST PLAIN WRONG.
It’s probably too late to put a NSFW warning on this post, eh?
Anyway, we always wondered what was involved in those ‘reindeer games’ Rudolph wasn’t allowed to join in with. Maybe it was for the best he missed out.
Buy it here, you absolute weirdo.
FOR THE LOVE OF DOG
If we want to turn ourselves into awful Christmas decorations for a day, that’s fine, but is it really fair to drag our canine friends into it as well?
Absolutely not, and we’re going to be literally apocalyptic if you go and get one here.
If you ever needed proof that humans are very capable of ruining a beautiful thing, this list is it.
And the worst bit, you can’t unsee any of this.
But to take your mind off things you can always book an unforgettable Christmas do at Revolution. We know what festive feels like, and it’s all about bags of party spirit, handcrafted cocktails and a feast with all the trimmings. We’ve got all you want for Christmas and more.
And it most definitely hasn’t got anything to do with perverted elves, promise.