There was a time, long ago, when Christmas jumpers weren’t ironic.

That time has long since passed, and we’ve reached a point now where it’s expected that a Christmas jumper is worn ironically.

For the most part, this proves to be a lot of fun for everyone, as we all have a giggle at each other’s cute and colourful Christmas knit.

However, there is a dark side to this. With all of this Christmas irony flying round, there’s always someone willing to take it too far. Here are seven festive jumpers that threaten to strike at the very heart of Christmas itself.

YOU KNOW WHEN THOSE SLEIGH BELLS RING…

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… That can only mean one thing.

In this case, that ‘thing’ is the sound of Christmas being used to market absolutely anything. Because Drake and Christmas are a match made in heaven, right?

Buy it here, if you must.

BREAK THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

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Poor Santa. You didn’t deserve this. You’re famous for being generous and kind.

On behalf of humanity, we’re sorry St. Nick. If you want to help tarnish Santa’s image, here‘s where you can buy it.

EVERY LITTLE HELPS

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For those of you who think we’ve lost sight of the true spirit of Christmas, here’s a basic range jumper to help you get back to the fundamentals.

THIS CAN’T BE ELF

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Because nothing says ‘Christmas’ more than casually dressing like one of Santa’s deranged gift-making slaves.

It’s cute when Will Ferrell does it, but THAT WAS A MOVIE. Grab yourself one here.

ROCKIN’ AROUND THE STRIPPER’S POLE

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We’re not even going to start pointing out what’s wrong about this jumper.

For a start, aren’t humans and elves a different species? Is this a form of mild inter-species erotica? Are they… Oh, forget it. We promised we wouldn’t go down this road.

Verdict: JUST PLAIN WRONG.

REINDEER GAMES

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It’s probably too late to put a NSFW warning on this post, eh?

Anyway, we always wondered what was involved in those ‘reindeer games’ Rudolph wasn’t allowed to join in with. Maybe it was for the best he missed out.

Buy it here, you absolute weirdo.

FOR THE LOVE OF DOG

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If we want to turn ourselves into awful Christmas decorations for a day, that’s fine, but is it really fair to drag our canine friends into it as well?

Absolutely not, and we’re going to be literally apocalyptic if you go and get one here.

If you ever needed proof that humans are very capable of ruining a beautiful thing, this list is it.

Feel like you need to get your Christmas spirit back?

Well, book your Christmas party at Revolution. We know what festive feels like, and it’s all about handcrafted cocktails and a feast with all the trimmings.

It most definitely hasn’t got anything to do with perverted elves.

Get your party started
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