There’s no doubt about it, 2018 is definitely going to be YOUR year.
The one where you finally quit that job, tell that Tinder match how you really feel, take that trip, get that rash checked out, achieve the cheekbone definition you’ve always wanted. And with all this success on the horizon, we think it’s important to kick the new year off right.
The thing is: it’s December 29th and you’ve not planned a single thing, have you? Every year. Every bloody year you do this. So to scare you into FINALLY planning something for New Year’s Eve, here’s everything that’s going to happen if you don’t.
1. You’ll realise the true horror that is TV on New Year’s Eve.
The constant live shots of Big Ben. The Jools Holland-shaped spectre introducing ‘the best acts of the year’ that you’ve definitely never heard of. The way every BBC presenter is SO EXCITED THE NEW YEAR IS NEARLY HERE DESPITE IT ONLY BEING 9:03PM.
Seriously, don’t even think about it.
2. The boredom will force you to head to the nearest fireworks display.
You hate cold weather. You’re not a fan of large crowds. And if you’re honest, you’re pretty so-so on the whole fireworks thing.
So what could go wrong?
3. You’ll check social media to try and scoff at your friends’ plans but actually end up being killed by FOMO because it all looks really wholesome and fun.
R.I.P. in peace.
4. Then you’ll hastily try and organise a party for you and all your friends who don’t have plans at 9:35PM.
It’ll be you, your cousin, and Gerald – a friend from school who can’t drink tonight ‘cause he’s on strong antibiotics for his ear infection.
5. You’ll be convinced that weird Uncle Jerry’s party can’t be that bad.
Oh, you poor sweet soul.
Get ready to drink three cans of warm Carling, pretend to finally be a homeowner with a sad game of Monopoly, and actually miss the New Year countdown ‘cause you were too busy watching a slideshow of pictures from Uncle Jerry’s holiday to Gran Canaria.
6. You won’t be tricked into attending Uncle Jerry’s weird party but you will fall asleep at like 10PM and miss everything.
Just make sure you put a tweet out in the morning about how hungover are so your loyal band of social media followers think you had a better night than they did.
7. The panic will set in and you’ll stupidly head to a nightclub you don’t have tickets to because you’re mates with one of the bouncers.
You’ll find yourself at the back of a queue of 80 people, wishing you had a jacket, desperately needing a wee, wearing your painful new shoes, realising that the bouncer you know isn’t even on the door tonight, sobering up as every second passes by, getting closer to midnight, closer to another day, another month, another year in the long struggle that is your life, and as you begin to lose hope, your buzz, and all feeling in your feet, you’ll have a little cry. Just a little one. Happy 2018!
8. You’ll become known as one of those social pariahs who ‘doesn’t do New Year’s Eve’.
So your friends will stop inviting you along to their NYE plans. But that’s fine, ‘cause maybe you really don’t do New Year’s Eve.
But then they’ll just assume you don’t do weddings either. Or Christmas. Or just general parties. And then you’ll find out your friends celebrated your 25th birthday without you, all because they assumed you don’t do birthdays. Not even your own.
9. You’ll lose your hair, gain a lisp, and slowly start to resemble Gollum from Lord of the Rings.
Nah, just kidding – it will be rubbish though, so book your New Year’s Eve tickets NOW!
Whether you’re after a mental party with all your mates, fireworks followed by a huge feast, dazzling handcrafted cocktails, or just an excuse to get out of Uncle Jerry’s house party, we’ve got you covered.
And fortunately for all you planless risk-takers out there, there’s STILL time to get involved and book. Pssst. This one’s gonna be BIG, so don’t miss it!