Look, here’s the deal with being a total baller.

It’s fun. It’s wild. It’s everything Jay Z’s music videos ever promised you.

But as with most things in life, there’s a downside.

Put simply, living the baller life ain’t cheap, so in order to sustain that lifestyle you’re gonna have to tone down your spending. But come on, that doesn’t mean you have to tone down the glamour.

In fact, here’s our guide to being a total baller on a very small budget.

Order classy at takeaways

Takeaway isn’t usually a classy affair, but its cheap allure is often too much for the impoverished would-be baller to resist.

But here’s the thing. As long as you know how to make the most of a takeaway menu, you can end up looking pretty glamorous.

When you’re at the takeaway, ask them if they can sprinkle some mussels from the seafood pizza onto a portion of chips. It’s the same low price, but now you’ve got yourself a portion of lovely moules et frites, the Belgian classic. Posh, right?

Get your style on point

Donning the latest fashion is expensive, and there’s nothing you can do about that. However, you can go back in time and go totally retro without even having to step into a charity shop.

How, you say?

Go back home and root around for the old clothes you used to wear when you were 12. Perfect for a retro, ultra-skinny fit look. You’ll be the hottest thing on the dancefloor.

If you’re able to move, of course.

Drink smart

Here’s an insider tip that only real cocktail experts like us can give you.

It’s no secret that enjoying a fancy drink isn’t always cheap. But that doesn’t mean you need to be drinking moonshine you made out of newspaper in your sink.

Our tip? Order a Long Island Iced Tea. It’s a classic cocktail that’s known for its potency – and you get your money’s worth with ALL the spirits in it.

Don’t believe us? Check out our recipe here and weep at those measurements.

Be pally with bouncers

If you wanna go to the hottest clubs in town, you’re going to have to pay a hefty entry fee most of the time.

That’s why it’s really important to get chummy with bouncers who might be able to let you in for nothing.

After all, nothing screams VIP more than jumping the queue and getting all your mates in for free too.

No one needs to know that you’re mowing the bouncer’s lawn and washing their car at the weekend in return for their friendship. No one.

Tell people all about your glamorous life

Do you remember that time when Drake invited you to the Grammys and at the after-party you all took shots out of his Best Rap Album award? Or how about that time you took out your uncle’s private yacht out to the Caribbean for a casual, off-the-cuff week away?

You need to tell everyone these stories, all the time.

What’s that you say, none of those things ever happened? Not to worry. None of your friends ever need to know that.

Lying 1. Honesty 0.


If you’ve tried all of these methods but are still struggling to feel like you’re an absolute baller, then we’ve got one final trick up our sleeve which is absolutely sure to work…

Get a Revolution Card.

With access to a world of class deals, from discounts on loads of our drinks to exclusive vouchers on our mouthwatering meals, you’ll feel like a baller in no time at all with a Revolution Card.

To get a taste of thegoodstuff, buy yours here for only £4.