Let’s face facts – if not done correctly, New Year’s Eve can be a bit, well, rubbish.
It’s all surge charge taxis, house parties full of warm ciders and people discussing the current state of their Nectar points, and holding your mate’s hair back after she glugged a bottle of MD 20/20.
Or even worse, it could just be you, your no-longer-fresh Christmas PJs, a multipack of Jaffa Cakes and Jools Holland’s Hootenanny. Urgh.
Luckily, we know a thing or two about parties – after all, it’s what we do. And seeing as the biggest party of the year is just around the corner, we’ve put together a survival guide to help you not make the same mistakes as last year. Or the year before. Or the year before that.
Get a plan together
Whatever you do, don’t let it get to December 28th without having one bloody thing planned. You know, like you do every year. Every. Single. Year.
You might be planning on staying in and watching Armageddon with pringles this year, but take it from us, you’ll regret it. By half 10, the utter panic that comes with a heavy dose of FOMO will set in, you’ll end up at Neil the creepy neighbour’s house drinking warm cava from a squashed plastic cup and wondering how long you have to stay after the countdown before going to bed.
Do you really want that for yourself?
Don’t be the already-drunk mate
You’ve done it. You’re out, the party’s bouncin’ to the sound of what can only be described as FLOOR FILLAHS, the drinks are flowing freely, and everyone’s feelin’ goooooood…
Except, of course, your already-way-too-drunk mate. You see them, giving out unsolicited hugs, occasionally crying, and constantly shouting ‘APPY NEW YEAR despite it being just after 9pm. In short, there’s no way they’ll last ‘til midnight.
And remember, if you haven’t got the already-way-too-drunk mate in your group, well friend – it’s probably you. You’ve been warned.
Don’t freak out about missing midnight
Ah, the famous Time-Panicker.
For some reason, New Year’s Eve makes people develop a perpetual fear of missing midnight like it’s akin to missing the start of The Apprentice (and it’s not).
Despite checking the time on their massive phone every four minutes, they’ll accost strangers screaming “What’s the time?!” in the same voice you’d like to imagine you’d shout “Call 999!”. And by 11pm their time obsession has destroyed any semblance of social skills, as they bang on about how “people in Japan/Australia/Thailand have already done their countdown and are well into next year… Isn’t that weird?”.
Please do not be this person.
Avoid the Incompetent Champagne-Popper
Whether you’re at a house party or a club night, there’s always, and we mean always, one person who can’t open a bottle of bubbly to save their life.
Usually called Rupert, they’re far too confident, guarantee they’ve definitely done it before, which all predictably leads to a champers-flavoured water cannon like they’ve just won the Monaco Grand Prix.
When you spot this person, and believe us you will, simply stand back, shield your eyes, and try not to be too disappointed when someone hands you a half-glass of warm Prosecco, complete with floating bits of cork and foil.
Don’t bother talking about New Year’s resolutions
Look, it’s going to happen. It’ll be around 1am, you and your mates will huddle around with Taylor Swift playing in the background, and you’ll have a real conversation about New Year’s resolutions despite all secretly thinking they’re bullshit. Which they are.
Eating healthier. Hitting the gym. Giving up reading Buzzfeed for actual real-life books.
Just don’t bother. You’ll crash back into the usual routine of eating chocolate bourbons while taking a quiz called ‘Which Biscuit Are You?’ in no time at all.
Go wild during the countdown
Big Ben will go bong. Everyone will yell “Happy New Year!” as enthusiastically as humanly possible after 7 jägerbombs. And obviously, you’ll grab and hug your mates you’ve been less than 3-yards away from all night like you haven’t seem ‘em since… Well, last year.
Make the most of this moment, because it’s a truly magical time.
And lastly… Book a bloody taxi
It’s 3am, it’s got to the stage where Everytime by Britney Spears has been played at least seven times, and it’s time to get yourself to bed.
Well, get ready to find yourself negotiating your way through a post-apocalyptic landscape, packed full of heel-carrying and kebab-wearing zombies, all in a desperate search for one thing… The world’s last taxi.
So do yourself a favour and get one booked beforehand. You’ll save yourself about £50 and probably won’t get stabbed in the eye with an enraged zombie’s heel. Probably.
Now you’ve read this handy survival guide, your New Year’s Eve is guaranteed to be a good’un…
Especially when you spend it at Revolution!
Book your NYE here right this second for downright-delicious cocktails, ridiculous DJ sets all night long, fantastic foodie feasts, and seeing as it’s the biggest party of the year? You just know we’re gonna make it one to remember.
Three little letters. One massive party. We can’t wait for it either.