Bleak weather. Blue Monday. Post-Christmas bloat. January’s pretty much got it in for us all, so if you’re worried a few broken resolutions might just send you over the edge… Don’t be. We’re here to help.
The Revolution January Survival Guide has been lovingly created by those who partied hardest this Christmas, designed to add some sunshine to the most depressing month of the year. Plus, we’ve got a tasty little somethin’ somethin’ surprise at the end.
Go easy on the convo on your first day back
It’s not like you’re not happy to see everyone (mostly everyone). But surely there’s a finite number of times you can have the “How was your Christmas?” conversation?
We all did basically the same thing: Christmas was a time of TV, turkey and Trivial Pursuit. New Year you got way too drunk, waited two hours for a cab, then passed out only to wake 4 hours later in a pile of chips and shame… You missed most of New Year’s Day, developed a seriously spotty chin and also, unfortunately, a potential liver problem.
Nope, best to just avoid people altogether. Get your head down and get through – you’ll soon be back on your sofa where it’s safe.
Don’t let Blue Monday be a thing
You’ve already got the worst out of the way (going back to work) and not one person has gasped at the weight you’ve put on (sadly, the two-packets-of-mince-pies-a-day diet will do that to ya). So what’s there to worry about? Science says that Blue Monday is the ‘most depressing day of the year’ but we say “Get over it Science, you’re WRONG.” Who even asked Science anyway?
Nope, on Monday 20th January don’t even think about sobbing silently in the corner, refusing to speak to anyone. Instead, drink lots of cups of tea and organise a lunchtime sing-a-long of Kumbaya. It’ll be brilliant, and boost the mood throughout the whole office. Even your boss will bloody love it. We promise. You might even get a promotion. Maybe.
Kick your boss, just breathe
Let’s look at two different coping mechanisms for stress. You could boot your boss really hard under the desk – and then pretend it was an accident. Or you could take a deep breath – and download the Calm app.
It should come as no surprise that Calm is designed to help you chill the eff out. A great meditation app for beginners, it has nature-inspired backgrounds that you can stare at for ages, plus breathing exercises and a range of meditations. Calm is basically a cool space for you to get away from it all, without having to go anywhere.
Borrow a doggy
First came Tinder. Then came 3nder (Google it. No actually, don’t). And somewhere in between the two came BorrowMyDoggy. Yes, this app is for lonely souls who don’t want a soulmate (or two) and instead want a four-legged friend.
But if you don’t have the time/space/budget for vets bills? Link up with a friendly dog-owner via the app, and take little Peanut out for a leisurely stroll in the park – you’ll feel miles better. And if it’s raining? You’re totally allowed to stay in with said borrowed pet and simply snuggle. ‘Cause there’s nothing sadder than a pug in the rain.
EAT your way through the pain
It’s universally accepted that New Year’s resolutions are really a great big steaming heap of rubbish. Detox? Don’t bother. If you’re feeling crap this January, your best bet is to simply EAT your way through it and worry about the consequences in Feb. Or next year.
And when we say eat, we’re not talking about dry old turkey, oh no. We mean pizza. Burgers. Chicken. Ribs. Wings. Waffles. The greats. All washed down with a few cheeky cocktails. ‘Cause if you’re gonna do it, do it right. Right?
Don’t worry, be ‘appy
If you’re a little bit skint (and by that we mean totally brassic) as everybody is these days, the last point can be a little tricky. Fear not friends! For we’re offering you 50% off food AND 2-4-1 cocktails. All day, every day, throughout this whole horrendous fart-in-a-lift that calls itself a month.
How? Simply do yourself a favour and download our app. You’ll get all the offers on there – and possibly have the best flippin’ January of your life.