Never mind the meaning of life, the key to eternal youth, or even how they put the Os in Polos – a universal hangover cure remains the most elusive secret of all mankind.
By this point, many of us consider ourselves tireless and dedicated researchers into the art and science of hangover cures… ‘Cause we’ve basically tried them all.
There was the fairly standard Lucozade and paracetamol phase. The hair of the dog phase. The copious amounts of fish oil phase. The exercise phase (never again). The black coffee phase. And of course – who could forget – the rubbing a slice of lemon under your armpit phase.
Yeah, it’s a thing.
And when that distinct citrus sting leaves your right armpit, you’re guaranteed to return back to the one, the only, the eateverythingyouseeforthenext24hours phase.
But, come on, why do we always resort to this tried and trusted classic?
Well, it’s all down to science, laziness, and you know, our crazy primitive instincts. Here’s all you need to know.
WE’RE ALL STILL CAVEMEN, TBH
Yep, that’s right.
According to some clever scientists, the desire to eat calorie-dense food is rooted in mankind’s earliest history. They say that all mammals (p.s. you and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals) are hard-wired to LOVE getting their feed on with delicious, energy-dense food.
However, when sober, most of us realise that while eating four pizzas a day is complete #goals, it’ll also probably lead to complete #heartfailure. And so we resist those temptingly cheesy urges.
But when suffering from a night of questionable decisions – including texting your ex the entire lyrics to Never Gonna Give You Up – it’s no surprise we can’t turn down our primal instincts.
So basically, you go ahead and order enough food to feed a small village when hungover, ‘cause, well, because. It’s just your instincts hun.
WE’RE ALSO LIKE, SUPER LAZY
When we wake up hungover AF, it’s safe to say we’re desperate for one of two things:
- The ability to rewind time, right back to just before you decided four tequila shots was a thing you could handle.
- A quick fix.
You see, with time travel not quite in the mainstream yet, we hungover scoundrels tend to wish for an instant cure – and one that doesn’t involve using any of our precious energy.
So forget exercise, or throwing together a kale-and-pomegranate super salad, our pure laziness means the essential, magical ingredient in our post-boozing recovery is an oversized order of DIRTY GREASY FOOD.
And honestly, we wouldn’t change it for the world.
BUT, DOES GREASY FOOD ACTUALLY CURE A HANGOVER?
There are a lot of factors to consider.
It’s not exactly cut and dry.
Cure is a big word, you know?
What exactly is a cure?
The Cure formed in 1976.
They achieved commercial success with the single ‘Friday I’m In Love’. Critics called them a ‘goth hit machine’ and they’re still touring today.
Sorry, what was the question?
Alright, you got us. Scientists don’t think greasy food is the best medicine for a hangover, but come on, do you think they REALLY know how it feels to wake up after a mad one next to a puke-stained towel?
We think not.
SO, WHAT SHOULD YOU EAT ON A HUGE HANG-O?
Yadda, yadda, yadda, coconut water, ginger, tomato juice… Blah, blah, blah.
NOBODY wants to chow down on a spinach ‘n’ egg white omelette when they’re rough.
But foods that will help you replenish quicker? Avocado (guac on nachos DOES count, thank the LORD), fruit (dunked in a salted caramel chocolate fondue, why the hell not?) and lots and lots and water. Which we also serve.
Lucky for you-who-is-probably-next-to-puke-stained-towel-right-now, we’ve got a whole load of heavenly bits and pieces on our glorious food menu.
Great for the day after when you’re disgustingly RAVENOUS or if you’re simply feeling a wee bit peckish. So, choose your treat-ment, book a table and get ready to be cured!