Look, it’s St. Patrick’s Day. We all know that means one thing. You and millions of people around the world are waking up this morning with one aim… To pretend to be Irish.

Sure, there are a few ways you can do this. You can learn all the words to ‘Danny Boy’, say things like ‘Ireland is as much an idea as it is a place’ and tell everybody that your nan’s nan was from Connemara instead of Cheltenham.

But let’s be real, nobody is going to buy it if you’re not constantly drinking a pint of the black stuff.

Right, okay, we know, we hear you, it’s icky and it takes you almost four hours to finish a glass of it. But we can help. So you can keep up your Irish performance, we’re rounding up ways to drink Guinness even if you think it’s gross. Now kiss us, we’re (pretending to be) Irish!

Guinness & Black

Okay, so adding Ribena to Guinness is definitely the most obvious way of screaming I DON’T LIKE IT BUT I JUST WANT TO FIT IN.

But just think of it like this, that fruity blackcurrant Ribena is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down. Only instead of fixing your chesty cough, this delightful medicine will have you speaking with a brogue and drunkenly beating your barrel of a chest.

And yes, that IS Beyoncé sippin’ on a pint o’ the good stuff.

Add some bubbles

If you want to pretend to be upper-class as well as Irish this Paddy’s Day, get adding some champagne to the black stuff. This brilliant mix is known as a Black Velvet!

Not only will it make those other pretenders think you have more than £5.71 in your bank account, the bubbles make the whole drink sweet and pretty easy to throw back.

And if you haven’t got a house to remortgage to get some champagne, give the Poor Man’s Black Velvet a try, and throw in some cider instead of champagne. You’ll get a similar effect from the bubbles and no one will know otherwise. Sorry about the name, though. No offence.

Black & Tan

Close your eyes and think of your favourite beer. Your go-to beer. The one that’s been with you ever since you gave up Smirnoff Ice and realised it’s not socially acceptable to drink vodka at every gathering. Yep. That one.

You’re going to mix your favourite beer with the black stuff. We know you’re wincing. We know you’re worried for your beer. It doesn’t stand a chance, you’re thinking, the Guinness is too thick.

But trust us, it actually works. Especially when you make sure the glass is 97% your glorious favourite beer and just 3% Guinness.

Guinness Bloody Mary

Okay, so just stick with us on this one, because this cocktail is a bit of a beautiful mess. And no, it’s not the same beautiful mess as you waking up after Paddy’s Day with kebab in your dyed-green hair.

Dark beers have always gone well with pizzas, chilli, and basically just about anything that’s tomato-y. So there’s no surprise that an extra glug of Guinness to everyone’s fav morning-after drink does ABSOLUTE wonders. Seriously, it’s properly beautiful, but is guaranteed to get you into a bit of a mess.

Cocktails without Guinness

Right, listen up. This one’s a lil’ risky and your cover might be blown.

This Paddy’s Day, if you think Guinness was created by combining a muddy puddle and the sock-sweat of someone with a nasty case of athlete’s foot, then maybe… just… don’t… drink… it.

We know. Crazy thinking, right? But just cause you don’t like Guinness, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy St. Patrick’s Day. Forget gulping down the black stuff – get sippin’ on somethin’ great. Maybe a Pornstar Martini, perhaps?

With a whole weekend of St Paddy’s shenanigans planned, book a table with us tonight to get the PAR-TAY started. So get down here, tip your hat to Ireland and hit the dancefloor with your best Irish jig. We just can’t wait to see it!

Until then? Cheers!